The Adolescence Repossession
by YlvaBorealis
Summary: Sheldon and Amy reclaim their youth in this ongoing series of sleepovers. Secrets are shared, hilarity ensures, and discoveries are made - both of the physical kind and other. Shamy
1. Chapter 1

This is the story about what followed after Sheldon and Amy's first sleepover in the blanket fort. I will update it every Friday for the upcoming couple of weeks. The story is set during season 8 which means that nothing that takes place in season 9 will affect the outcome of the story. This is meant to be lighthearted and fun and I hope you will appreciate my return to comedy/romance - it's been a while, I admit!

I would like to dedicate this story to April in Paris, for always being a source of inspiration and an avid supporter - I'm your biggest fan! I would also like to dedicate this to Geeky Blue Strawberry, for being the most wonderful friend and partner in crime I could never have imagined finding. I love you.

And finally I would like to dedicate this story to Simon Doonan, whose search for the Beautiful People taught me that just because a story is sad, it doesn't mean it can't be hilarious.

\- YlvaBorealis

* * *

The Adolescence Repossession

By YlvaBorealis

The asteroid that marked the end of the Mesozoic era and killed off 75 % of all species on Earth hit prehistoric Mexico with the force of over 100 million atomic bombs, leading to the extinction of all non-avian dinosaurs and leaving the planet barren for millions of years. There were flames and ashes, starvation and misery, and after the heat came a long cold atomic winter that hit the final nail in the coffin for the dinosaurs' reign as the scaly (or feathery, the scientists are currently engaged in some sort of paleobiological nerd war over this) lords of Planet Earth.

It was truly a disaster. It was _not,_ however, what happened when Sheldon Cooper and Amy Farrah Fowler had their first sleepover.

Well, not from lack of worry on Dr. Cooper's part, that was for sure. Christmas lights and bedsheets, what had he been thinking? They might as well have spent the night in a furnace, what with the giant fire hazard that was their improvised blanket fort. Amy had fallen asleep right away of course, that was only to be expected – she was a woman after all. She'd been snoring – _snoring!_ – while he had cursed his birth and his sex and all that stupid protector-of-the-pride nonsense that naturalists and society shoved down the throats of innocent enlightened scientists like himself. She slept –presumably because she knew he was there to protect her… sort of - and he worried about being burned alive and instant death from the bacterial infection he was sure to catch from sleeping on the floor, all while she slept away knowing _she_ wasn't the one who was expected to jump up with a spear in her hand should someone try to rob the apartment.

He did eventually fall asleep out of sheer exhaustion, and when he woke up he was struck with the horrible realization that his girlfriend now knew that he drooled while sleeping. The planet hadn't been destroyed however, which was a considerably brighter outcome than the one he had imagined during the nearly five years they had been together, and so he reached the conclusion that their first night together had been successful.

So successful in fact that he had asked her if she wanted to do it again.

"Will we be sleeping in the same bed this time?" Amy asked him then, her green eyes sparkling and her hands hopefully clasped, and he looked at her as if she were insane.

"Don't be ridiculous Amy, we've only had one sleepover and that was a big enough step already" he lectured, continuing to explain that they'd arrange for her to sleep on the couch like she had in the fort.

"Can't blame a girl for trying" Amy mumbled, a hint of a smile at the corner of her mouth as she raised the mug to her lips to take a sip of her chamomile tea.

He pulled out a document then – a list of activities and conditions.

"What's this?" Amy asked, eyeing the paper sheet suspiciously. "I don't need to sign a contract Sheldon, I agreed our sleepover would be G-rated the last time I spent the night, and I'll agree to it now, no need for formalities…"

"It's not _that_ Amy, although I do feel the need to inform you that the G-rating will be applied to this sleepover as well (Amy rolled her eyes at that, muttering that it's what she'd just said), but this is of greater importance" Sheldon replied, handing her the document and smiling smugly to himself as she pushed her dark-rimmed glasses up on the bridge of her nose, her eyes moving from side to side as she carefully read its content.

"You want us to have… playdates?" she asked at last, raising her eyebrow in doubt and handing the neatly structured paper sheet back to him.

"Not _playdates_ Amy, my lord, are you absolutely certain you graduated from Harvard with a PhD in neurobiology? I do believe literacy is required to study advanced science" Sheldon snorted, snatching the document from her all whilst looking slightly offended.

"Oh, I am certain. As certain as I am of the fact that there is no manipulation of the brain in theoretical physics. I'd be very careful if I were you. _Your_ field hasn't given anyone bovine spongiform encephalopathy now, has it?" Amy pressed out through gritted teeth, her tight grip around her tea mug threatening to crush the porcelain.

Sheldon stared at her in disbelief, his mouth slightly ajar.

"Is that a threat?"

"Let's just say you'd be wise to take it as a warning."

"…Anyway..." he let out slowly, trying to steer back focus to the document, "I'm not suggesting playdates. I'm merely proposing we engage in… childlike fun. Like we did last."

Amy seemed to be contemplating this for a while, motioning for him to hand the document back to her. He did so and she read it again, slowly and meticulously, tucking her long dark hair behind her ear while she mouthed the words silently to herself. Finally she looked up, the shimmer in her eyes telling him she was pleased.

"This is so romantic!" she exhaled, her voice trembling as she lovingly pressed the paper to her heart.

"Ah, here we go…" Sheldon groaned, rolling his eyes at his girlfriend who jumped off her stool and skipped her way around the counter with her arms wide open. He tilted his head slightly as she embraced him, leaning into the soft kiss she pressed against his cheek.

"You just shaved this morning, didn't you?" Amy mumbled as the tip of her nose replaced her lips, pulling in the scent of his after shave.

"I sent you a copy of my bathroom schedule the very same day we met, and I haven't changed it since" Sheldon replied as he patted the back of her hand, returning to his document as she padded over to her stool once again. He cleared his throat, and began reading out loud in a magisterial fashion.

"As stated by this document, I propose we alter our schedule to include Sleepover Night, which henceforth will refer to all Friday nights between the hours of 6 p.m. and 9.a.m. the following Saturday morning. Activities may be suggested by either party, i.e. The Boyfriend and The Girlfriend, and the decision to engage in the suggested activity must be unilateral. A list of possible activities is included in the appendix-"

"You want us to do everything we didn't get to do when we were kids" Amy interrupted him, her tone dreamy as she sighed contently to herself.

Sheldon put the paper sheet down, somewhat miffed that she wouldn't let him finish.

"I would have explained it to you had you not interrupted me, but yes, I want us to recreate the experiences we were robbed off when we were young. I enjoyed building the blanket fort, as I presume you did?"

"Very much so" Amy purred, smiling coyly as her boyfriend's eyebrows shot up to his hairline. She found the sound of his nervous gulp oddly satisfying, as if she'd just found the password to a secret gateway.

"I… Uhm… So I thought we could… do more stuff like that" Sheldon finished weakly, handing the document over for her to sign.

The following Friday Sheldon found himself cleaning the entire apartment much like his roommate Leonard never did, baking chocolate chip cookies (Amy had insisted) and going through his DVD-collection, all while tending to a batch of laundry he'd hastily thrown into the washing machine in the basement since he'd decided on a last minute visit to Bed, Bath, and Beyond to pick up a set of floral bed sheets for his girlfriend. Leonard might have been irritated as he drove him but Sheldon couldn't be sure since much of what came out of the other physicist's mouth sounded like 'wah wah whine, uaaah' to him and so how was Sheldon to tell if "I don't want to drive you to the store Sheldon" really meant that Leonard didn't want to?

Once the sheets were dry he folded them, placing them by the far end of the couch just in case Amy had gotten into her head that he could be persuaded into letting her sleep in his bed. He wasn't exactly sure on what kind of disaster might befall them should he allow her to, but judging from the amount of times Leonard had been thrown out of his girlfriend Penny's apartment wearing nothing but his underwear, it had to be unpleasant. Even worse, Amy might expect them to have SEX (for some reason he always pictured that word as being spelled out with capital letters), and if they had SEX then she might expect them to do it all the time, and Sheldon wasn't at all sure where he stood on this SEX-business but he told himself that it wasn't going to happen anytime soon.

The rich smell of the chocolate chip cookies wafted through the apartment as he put the final hand to his preparations, wincing slightly as someone knocked on the door. Glancing at his wrist watch he realized it had to be Amy, and he smiled as he made his way over to open the door.

"Good evening Sheldon" his girlfriend greeted him, smiling back at him as she adjusted the strap on her overnight bag.

"Good evening Amy" Sheldon replied, eyeing her where she stood. There was nothing unfamiliar there: she was on the short side, conservatively dressed in sensible footwear and a denim skirt, her hair long and dark and her blouse floral, much like the bed sheets he'd bought her. She looked just the same as she always did, as did he: tall, neatly cropped dark hair, khaki pants and double-layered shirts, his eyes blue much like the Superman tee he wore.

"I brought equipment" Amy revealed, a cheeky grin at the corner of her mouth as she made her way past him into the apartment, causing Sheldon to turn around with a somewhat worried look on his face.

"Equipment?" he repeated, his hands trembling as he closed the door, watching his girlfriend in horror as she dumped her bag on the couch and took a seat in her usual spot next to his.

"Yes, since you told me how much you enjoy preparedness and that I could choose the first activity, I thought I should bring the necessary tools. Come sit next to me?" Amy went on, grabbing her bag and placing it in her lap to open the zipper.

"T-Tools?" Sheldon stuttered as he tentatively made his way over to the couch, seemingly unable to utter anything but one word at a time. He slowly sat down next to her, regarding the petite neurobiologist suspiciously as she began unpacking her bag, picking out a collection of items whose apparent connection to each other was entirely lost on him. Potatoes, a sewing kit, alcohol wipes, and something that appeared to be a golden earring?

"What is all of this Amy?" the lanky man asked, feeling more and more sure that whatever the answer was it was bound to be something awful.

"Well, we agreed that the sleepovers would include activities we didn't get to engage in when we were young, and I always wanted to get together with a friend and have chocolate chip cookies and watch movies and get my ears pierced without my mother's permission" Amy explained as she helped herself to one of said cookies from the plate Sheldon had put on the coffee table a few minutes before her arrival.

Sheldon gasped, his gaze darting to the items lined up neatly in front of him. Not a sewing kit – _needles._ She wanted him to drive a needle through her earlobes.

"I can't do that Amy, you know I'm… I… It's going to _bleed_ " he protested as the color drained from his boyish features.

"It's not going to bleed that much" Amy chuckled, shaking her head at her neurotic boyfriend.

"You say that just so I'll agree to it. You can't make me" Sheldon said, crossing his arms over his chest to emphasize his statement. There would be no bloodshed in his house, not as long as he was alive and standing. Well currently he was sitting down but still. No blood.

"But Sheldon, you said-"

"I said I wanted us to engage in childlike fun, not perform basic surgery! Oh, this is what I get for dating a _biologist_ " Sheldon complained dramatically, his hand shooting to the place on his chest were pearls would have been hanging had he worn them. Amy rolled her eyes at him, sensing that their roles were somewhat reversed in this.

" _Neuro_ biologist" she corrected him, grabbing the sewing kit to pick out one of the needles, "and it's not even gonna hurt. You can look away if you want to?"

She held out the needle in front of him, tapping it gently with the tip of her finger to demonstrate how tiny and insignificant it was. Sheldon looked at it as if it were something used to decapitate kings in the 13th century.

"No. I refuse" the lanky man stated firmly, letting her know it was final. The decision had to be unilateral, it said so in their contract and she had signed it so she couldn't make him. Could she?

Amy nodded slowly as she realized they might have to change their plans for the evening. She wasn't about to force Sheldon to do something he didn't consent to: Sleepover Night was supposed to be about having fun after all, and she'd known it had been a long shot to ask him to pierce her ears. Suddenly she had an idea, something that might allow for a little postponed teenage rebellion after all.

"What if… I pierce _your_ ear?" she asked, preparing herself for the ramble that was sure to follow.

"What if you… Have you lost your mind? What comes next, smoking and drinking and-and-and… _tattoos?_ I have a reputation to think of Amy, not to mention the risk of infection and my chances of dying and-"

"A tiny little earring is not gonna give you any street cred Sheldon, I wouldn't worry about your reputation" Amy soothed him, patting his arm gently, "and as you said, I'm a biologist, I'll take all the necessary precautions to minimize the risk of infection. You can trust me."

"Trust you to lead me down the path of tramp stamps and the involuntary ingestion of controlled substances" Sheldon muttered and reached for one of the cookies, taking angry bites as his eyes shot daggers at his girlfriend.

"Ah, peer pressure. Did you ever imagine it would happen to you? I feel like the popular girl in high school now" Amy sighed happily as she lovingly stroked the needle she was still holding. Sheldon gulped as he once again regarded the sharp end, cursing internally for not being more specific when drawing up the contract.

"Mama warned me to stay away from girls like you."

"Too late country boy, I have a legally binding Relationship Agreement that says you belong to me. Now what do you say, should we get this show on the road?"

"Fiiiiine. But the earring comes off at precisely 9 a.m. tomorrow morning" Sheldon reluctantly agreed, feeling the sweat build up on his forehead as he rose from the couch.

"We don't have to do it right in this instant Sheldon, we can watch a movie and have some more cookies first" Amy said, thinking she might have taken it a little too far. This was only their second sleepover ever after all and she wouldn't want to scare him off.

"No, if I'm going to die I prefer to go out like Ned Stark: honorably, at the hands of a bloodthirsty sociopath" the lanky man replied as he made his way to the bathroom, ignoring the indignant "Hey!" that Amy called out behind him.

Sheldon opened the door to the bathroom, staring at the toilet which seemed to be mocking him from where it stood all screwed up against the wall and the tile floor. "Come at me boy" it seemed to be saying, "place that pristine little scientist rear on the lid, I dare you. I'll be stained with your blood before night falls, and the Iron Throne shall be mine."

"Oh Jesus" Sheldon whimpered, turning around to tell Amy that he wanted out, only to have the wind knocked out of him as he slammed into her. It would have been a good idea to check if was standing behind him first.

"Oufff" Amy groaned as she held her hands out to protect the gear she'd brought with her, "watch your step!"

"I'm sorry" Sheldon panted, struggling to get air down his lungs, "I didn't see you. I've changed my mind, I want to have cookies first."

"Don't be silly Sheldon, it's better if we get this over with so we can crawl up on the couch and watch TV all night without you thinking and worrying about it. I'll watch anything you want?" Amy cooed, cocking her head to the side sweetly.

Sheldon sighed out loud in defeat.

"Star Wars?" he let out hopefully, knowing Amy absolutely detested these movies.

"Even the one with the stupid dog-eared frog if you wish" she promised, and motioned with her head for him to take a seat. Sheldon nodded and gingerly sat down on the cold porcelain, looking down to snort derisively at it, just for good measure.

Amy couldn't resist letting out a tiny squeal as she made her way around him to put down her tools on the bathroom drawer, handing over an ice cube to Sheldon who hesitated for just one heartbeat before accepting it. "Put that to your earlobe" Amy instructed as she began disinfecting one of the needles. Sheldon did as he was told, swallowing hard as he tried to relax. "I've looked it up and according to the research I've done this should be enough to numb your earlobe so it won't hurt so much when I drive the needle through it" the petite brunette continued as she cut one of the potatoes in half with a knife she'd brought with her.

"Please don't talk about it" Sheldon begged her as he closed his eyes and recited prime numbers to keep his compulsions in check. "Besides, there's numbing cream in the cabinet, why don't you just use that?"

"But that's not how the girls in my school did it" Amy protested, biting her bottom lip somewhat unassertively. "I want it to be authentic."

"Very well" Sheldon relented, ignoring the pain in his fingers as he pressed the cube harder against his sensitive flesh, "Proceed with the operation."

"It's not an operation Sheldon, it's just a little prick" Amy giggled as she was reminded of the times she'd had to come with Sheldon and hold his hand for moral support during flu shots and dental procedures.

"Ah, tomato to-maw-toe" Sheldon muttered, his eyes still firmly closed. Suddenly he felt her stroking the pointy tip of his ear with her index finger, and he looked up only to find her gazing lovingly at him with those forest green eyes of hers.

"Thank you for doing this" she mumbled, pinching the elfin tip slightly before she returned to disinfect the needle one last time. Sheldon didn't know what to reply, choosing to return to closing his eyes, feeling strangely flushed all of a sudden.

"Why is this so important to you?" he asked as he waited for his earlobe to go numb, hearing her bustling about in the background.

"I don't know…" Amy replied slowly, thinking back to a time when boy bands and grunge rock had been the hottest thing and she'd been the last to know about it, "it was just something that all the girls did when I was young. I always wanted to have someone to do all these things with, you know, talking on the phone all night, having them over and paint our nails and flip through glossy magazines… I actually talked my mother into getting me this pink telephone for my 13th birthday with my very own phone number but no one ever called. It just stood there in my room for years until I moved out for college" she confessed, leaving out the part where she'd eventually pulled out the cord because her classmates wouldn't stop prank calling her.

"No one ever asked for me either. The calls were always for George and Missy" Sheldon admitted, he too leaving out information. Like the part where the calls _had_ been for him, and all the things that had been whispered into his ear, things he still didn't like thinking about but that popped up in his head sometimes when he was sad and lonely.

"But we're friends now right?" Amy whispered, swallowing a lump that had formed in her throat.

"Of course we are" Sheldon assured her, thinking it hardly needed to be said out loud. Of course they were friends. Best friends. Even better friends than he and Leonard.

"Good. Because now I'm going to drive a needle through your earlobe" Amy informed him, her voice changing back to the chipper tweet from before they'd stepped into the territory of childhood trauma, and Sheldon cringed as she once again mentioned the unmentionable.

"Oh God here it comes" the tall man whimpered, bracing himself for the pain and misery that was sure to come. Infection, and pus, and death, oh my!

"It's gonna be fine, just relax. Now take away the ice cube and put the potato behind your ear" his girlfriend instructed, lighting a match to heat up the tip of the needle.

"Our Nobel laureate, which art dissolved into atoms, Einstein be thy name" Sheldon prayed, his body trembling as Amy grabbed his earlobe and pressed it against the potato, "thy theory of relativity come, thy will be done, in Earth as it is in the space-time contin-UUUMOOOOOUUW!" he howled as the hot metal went through his pink (well now it was red after being frozen numb) flesh and hit the root crop with a sizzling crunch.

"You LIED to me!" he cried out, standing up and slapping his hand over his ear desperately as he felt the sting already spreading up through the shell-shaped appendage, "You said it wouldn't hurt and you LIED TO ME AND-and-and…" he continued, his outburst morphing into a breathy stutter as he noticed the tiny red drop that fell towards the white porcelain lid beneath him. It appeared to be falling in slow motion, and he regarded it curiously as it fell closer, closer still, until it hit the toilet lid with a microscopic splash. Red against white. His blood, staining the toilet, just as it had promised. "Dear Lord, the Iron Throne" Sheldon croaked as his eyes rolled back into his head and his body fell into a heap on the tile floor.

"You lied to me" Sheldon muttered indignantly a couple of hours later as the end credits to A New Hope rolled over the flat screen, flinching as he attempted to rub the swollen earlobe from which a golden ring now hung almost proudly. "Cockily" had been Sheldon's word of choice as he'd looked himself in the mirror once Amy had helped him up from the floor. "It knows I've allowed it to violate my body."

"Think of it as a battle scar Sheldon" Amy had chirped as she led him into the living room to tuck him in under the afghan.

"Hmmmph" he'd snorted, grabbing a cookie and motioning for her to set up the DVD.

And now it was time to go to bed and she'd changed into her pajamas during her assigned bathroom break, as had he, and his ear was warm and she hadn't apologized.

"I hope you'll be comfortable on the couch" Sheldon said stoically as he stood up to retreat to his room, "I'm sorry I can't offer you Leonard's room but he didn't specify whether he would spend the night at Penny's or here and thus I'm not authorized to allow you entry into his living quarters."

"I'd prefer sleeping in _your_ room… But I'll be fine here" Amy assured him as she finished draping the floral bed sheets over the dark brown leather. "Thank you for these" she let out softly, gesturing with her hand over the apple-scented fabric. It was just like Sheldon to wash them for her. She'd wrap her entire body in those fresh sheets and the scent would engulf her and she'd dream of apple-trees and blossoms all night.

"You're welcome. Good night Amy" Sheldon replied, turning on his heel to withdraw to his own bed. A petite hand closed over his arm though and he froze, wondering what she might want from him now. He was turned away from her so he couldn't see her but he felt her grab the side of his head to pull him down to her level. He held his breath as soft lips brushed over his aching earlobe, closing his eyes as she lingered there, her hand still clasping his arm.

"I only lied so you wouldn't be scared. I'm sorry" she whispered, and he could feel the movements of her lips against his tender flesh. It stung. And it soothed.

"It's okay" he mumbled, licking his bottom lip like he always did when he struggled to express himself. Or when Amy was close to him like this.

"Good night Sheldon" she exhaled and let go of him, returning to the couch to crawl beneath the covers. Sheldon nodded, not looking back as he made his way down the hall to his bedroom.

It wasn't like him to stay up browsing his phone. Usually he just turned off the lights and went to sleep, as scheduled. But his ear pounded and he couldn't let go off the thought that he'd caught some sort of infection, so he googled it and regretted doing so once the pictures showed up on the screen, and after that there was no way he could sleep. Sighing out loud he dumped the phone on his chest, groaning as it hit his sternum. Maybe he should have let Amy sleep in his bed: they could stay up talking and she'd read him something from the book on biology she kept in his apartment and he'd be bored and fall asleep. But she was in the living room, probably asleep already. Sighing once again he picked up the phone and browsed through his (short) list of contacts, tapping Amy's name with the tip of his index finger. One signal, two signals… Then the fumbling sound of someone picking it up.

"Sheldon? Is everything alright?" Amy asked, her voice laced with concern.

"I can't sleep" Sheldon informed her, once again rubbing his throbbing earlobe.

"You realize I'm in the other room. You could have just gone out and told me" Amy reminded him.

"But I wanted to talk on the phone. We always talk on the phone before we go to bed" Sheldon insisted, sliding down from his sitting position to rest his head against the pillow, pulling the covers up to his chest.

"You're right, I'll start over. Hey boyfriend" Amy lilted, and he imagined her twirling a curly cord around her finger.

"Hey girlfriend" he replied, as he only did when he was alone in his room where no one could hear him engage in romantic small talk. "I was wondering… If I could be the one choosing the next activity? For our next sleepover?"

"Of course. Was there something you had in mind?"

"Not at the moment no… But I'll think of something. How do you feel about Legos?"

"You're more creative than that Sheldon."

"But I like Legos?"

"The agreement was that we'd engage in activities we'd missed out on. You play with Legos every Wednesday afternoon."

"Noted."

He bit his bottom lip, listening to her steady breath at the other end of the line for a while, suddenly remembering something she'd said earlier.

"You know that pink telephone you had… the one you got for your birthday? If I had known you back then I would have called you every evening" he let out softly, thinking it was true.

"I would have liked that."

"They were stupid. Whoever they were who wouldn't befriend you."

"They were _so_ stupid."

"Silly."

"Braindead."

"Imbeciles."

"Assholes."

"Amy!"

"I'm just saying."

He barely resisted the urge to giggle. Somewhere in between this conversation and their first date at the coffee shop five years ago there must have been some sort of hormonal transfer between them because he felt like a teenage girl every time they spoke on the phone.

"I think I'm going to sleep now. I'll meet you at 7.30 for breakfast" Sheldon informed her, stifling a yawn as he crawled deeper in beneath the covers.

"I'm tired too. How's the ear?"

"Hot and throbbing. I'll probably be dead within a week."

"We'll know next Friday then. Good night boyfriend" Amy mumbled sweetly, a hint of a laughter in her voice.

"Good night girlfriend" Sheldon mumbled back, tapping his thumb on the screen to hang up the phone. He smiled smugly to himself as he turned off the lights and put on his sleeping mask. Amy wasn't the only one who'd withheld the truth tonight.

He knew _exactly_ what they'd do next Friday.

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Thank you for reading and reviewing!


	2. Chapter 2

"I, I will be king  
And you, you will be queen  
Though nothing will drive them away  
We can be heroes, just for one day  
We can be us, just for one day"

-David Bowie

* * *

Sheldon Cooper prided himself on being a man of many talents. Some were natural (mathematics, physics, ravishing good looks), some had been force fed to him by either one or the other of his parents (football and ballroom dancing. The former in theory only, the latter sadly not), and yet others were acquired (baking, speaking in what could pass for a general American accent as long as he kept those elongated vowels in check - "that", not "thaaat"), each one of these skills asserting his position as the dominant male of his social group. But as he looked at the hank of pink thread that had chewed through what had once been stretchy fabric, he realized the mighty Sheldon Cooper had just been defeated by a device operated by every grandmother from Wichita to Wellington.

"No, no, no, what are you doing, I _am_ going slow, don't eat the pant leg" he cried out as the feed dogs pulled the fabric down into the depths of the sewing machine not unlike a spider pulling a beetle down into its lair for a bloody tête-a-tête. He took his foot off the pedal but it was too late – the fabric was completely mauled and the needle was stuck, threatening to break as he desperately tried to pull out the pant leg from its serrated prison.

"Oh, not again" he groaned, burying his face in the palms of his hands, very nearly breaking out into tears out of sheer frustration. Well there it was, the machine that would ultimately lead to his demise, the Terminator to his John Connor – a Janome SMD 2000. Go figure.

Massaging his temples while trying to calm down he regarded the mess that was his work station. There were threads, scissors, patterns, and glimmering fabric scattered all over his desk, and something that looked like a leotard with one of the legs missing. After having watched the entire first season of Project Runway for inspiration and spending over a hundred dollars on equipment, he now had to accept the fact that he was no closer to making this work than he had been three days ago when he'd started.

In times of need a man has to resort to drastic measures to restore order and save what can be saved, no matter how high the cost and no matter how big the humiliation. Thus like the battered hero he was, Sheldon decided to lick his wounds and pick up the phone and call his mother.

"Baby!" Mary Cooper exclaimed excitedly at the other end of the line, "How nice to hear from you!"

"Spare me the pleasantries mother, this is strictly business" Sheldon cut her off, not about to waste time discussing whatever bodily fluids were currently coming out of Missy's baby, or George's dietary habits, or whatever nonsense was going on at Mary's bridge club. "I need assistance."

"Sheldon Lee Cooper, I raised you better than that! What is this with you calling me up giving me sass on a Tuesday afternoon like I haven't got nothing better to do than put up with you?" Mary scolded him, her thick Southern accent flicking some sort of switch inside the lanky man whose attitude deflated at the same rate as his self-confidence.

"I'm sorry Mama" he mumbled, getting up to get himself a Diet Coke from the fridge.

"That's better. Now, what do you need help with? Is something wrong? Do you need me to come over?" his mother asked, ever so concerned for her special child.

"Yes! I need you to come over and teach me how to use a sewing machine. Now I've already checked and there's a plane that leaves at 9.30, so I'd suggest you start packing-"

"Shelly, I'm not flying from Houston to teach you how to sew" Mary interrupted him, chuckling as she bustled about in what had to be the kitchen, "I'm sorry but it's not gonna happen."

"But I'm your baby. I need you to help me with this" Sheldon pleaded with her, tugging nervously at the glimmering fabric that was still stuck in the sewing machine. "I need to finish this costume for Amy before Friday!"

"Oh, you're making something for Amy?"

"…Yes, that's what I just told you? So could we get back to the part where you hop on that plane and come help me finish this, I am _really_ stuck on-"

"Listen Shelly, I think it's sweet that you're whipping up whatever it is you're making for your little girlfriend, but Mama's got important things to do too. You'll have to make do without me" his mother told him, letting him know she wasn't about to keep discussing the matter.

Sheldon sighed heavily, taking a sip of the fizzy drink and sinking back down on the chair by his desk, trying to ignore the mess in front of him. He'd recently been bothered by mental images of himself naked on a field, dancing around a bonfire and throwing the Janome SMD 2000 and the half-finished costume into the fire while chanting Native American spirituals. He couldn't be sure but he thought this might be a bad sign.

"What should I do then? The sewing machine just chewed up the last of the fabric and I think the needle is stuck, and I need this done by Friday evening!" the lanky man let out exasperatedly, hoping his mother would give in and come save the day.

"Figure it out" Mary said, as if that would solve all his problems.

"Figure it out? What kind of an answer is that?"

"The one I'm giving you."

"Well, I don't think it was very constructive" Sheldon muttered, wondering what on Earth he had done to deserve a mother who wouldn't even come over and help him sew a silly pair of pants. She should be grateful he came to her for advice!

"That's too bad but it is what it is. Baby, you're the smartest person I know. You'll come up with something. Don't y'all kids have that Guggle thing now?"

" _Google._ "

"It's what I said? Anyway, I need to get back to my pecan pie, I'm having company. God bless you sweetheart" Mary cooed lovingly, and Sheldon rolled his eyes at her, grateful she couldn't see him.

"Thank you. Good bye mother."

"Bye Shelly. Say hi to Amy for me."

"I will."

He hung up the phone, once again groaning out loud. This was nothing short of scandalous! His mother would bake her _boyfriend_ (oh yeah, Sheldon knew what she meant by 'company', he wasn't completely clueless) a pecan pie but she wouldn't fly from Texas to California to help him with something that was clearly of much higher importance.

"Gaaah!" Sheldon cried out, overwhelmed with frustration.

Much like thousands of designers, scientists, artists, and politicians before him had done when faced with the realization that they wouldn't be able to make deadline, he did the only thing that was left to do: scooped up all his drawings and the one-legged leotard, threw them in the trash bin and went to order Chinese food.

Three days, five phone calls, and one very tedious drive through Pasadena - (Really, what was it with Leonard and those Black Eyed Beans…Peas….Haricot Verts?) in search of a substitute for the costume he had planned on making for Amy - later, Sheldon entered Amy's building feeling both excited and slightly disappointed. The bag he was carrying _did_ contain the necessary equipment for what he had planned for their Sleepover Night, but he'd been forced to change his plans once he realized the sewing machine had beat him in the third round and no seamstress would take on this last minute job despite him informing them that the future of mankind depended on whether or not this mission succeeded. Thus he arranged for the Janome SMD 2000 to be sent to the Supreme Leader Kim Jong-Un's private residence in North Korea where it would (hopefully) continue to work its evil ways, and got on the bus to his girlfriend's house.

As he stood outside the apartment he shifted his weight from one foot to the other and balled his hand into a fist, raising it to knock on the door to announce his arrival.

 _Knock, knock, knock –_ "Amy!"

 _Knock, knock, knock –_ "Amy!"

 _Knock, knock, knock –_ "Amy!"

He could hear the sound of her footsteps behind the door, and when she opened it he couldn't help but smile despite having gone through such trouble for her sake only to fail. Seeing her only served to fuel his enthusiasm for their impending mission, and suddenly it didn't seem to matter that he'd been forced to rethink his initial plan.

"Hi" she grinned, standing aside to let him in.

"Good evening" he replied, feeling his heartrate elevate as he stepped into the hallway, clutching his bag almost protectively. He was so excited he could barely stand still on the spot, urging her to hurry up and follow him into the living room.

"You look happy" Amy noted as she closed the door behind them, wondering what on Earth could have gotten Sheldon so worked up. Maybe she should have slept on it before she signed her fate over to a man with an IQ of 187 and a recorded history of purchasing explosives and hacking into military super computers. Sheldon kind of had the same look on his face as he did every time Darth Vader was about to blow up Alderaan which was not a good thing considering Sheldon had always been an avid supporter of the Empire.

"Your powers of observation never fail to amaze me. Come on Amy, sit down and bask in the gentle glow that is my genius" Sheldon proclaimed, as were he a king speaking to his subjects. He gestured with his hand at the couch and Amy reluctantly sat down, clasping her hands in her lap.

Sheldon let out something that was not quite a squeal but not quite a laugh either, which caused droplets of sweat to break out on Amy's upper lip. This was it. This was her boyfriend paying her back for sticking a needle through his earlobe. She swallowed hard as Sheldon, much as she had the week before, opened his overnight bag to pick out whatever torture device he was planning on using on her to make sure she never pulled such a stunt again. Was it the original Star Trek movie with six hours of additional commentary? A contract stating she had to address him as Sheldon the Great and Powerful for the next ten years? A vegemite sandwich?

"Sheldon, maybe we should talk about this before-" Amy began, helplessly trying to find a way to back out of this.

"…so I called your assistant at work and she told me this was your size" Sheldon cut her off, having rambled while she'd been busy imagining all kinds of disastrous outcomes of this evening, "though it has to be pointed out that the original plan was to make us costumes. But unfortunately I had to… revise that plan" he coughed, hoping she wouldn't think he was being unimaginative. He cocked his head curiously to the side as he noticed Amy's eyes were tightly shut.

"Amy?" he asked tentatively, "Aren't you gonna try it on?"

Amy opened her eyes, spotting a very confused-looking Sheldon holding out what looked to be a white lab-coat in front of him.

"I didn't, I mean… I… Sure, sure" she stammered, shooting up to her feet and holding out her arms so Sheldon could put the coat on her. She spun around to model it for him, forcing herself to smile.

"Perfect!" Sheldon enthused, digging around in his bag to pick out his own matching lab-coat, "Now we can commence our preparations!"

"What preparations?" Amy asked as she sat down once again, trying not to look like someone had just put a shotgun to her face.

Sheldon took a seat next to her, still smiling brightly as he began unpacking his bag.

"The preparations to launch our careers as the world's first Evil Genius Duo" Sheldon exclaimed as he unpacked what appeared to be a basic chemistry kit and some sort of guidebook, patting them affectionately after he placed them on the coffee table.

"Evil Genius-what now?" Amy let out weakly, rubbing her forehead as she tried to figure out what the hell was going on inside that bulbous brain of his.

"Amy, all my life I have waited for the opportunity to embrace my fate as the future ruler of this planet and seek out revenge on all of those who have wronged me in the past. I brought a list and I suggest you study it while I make us cocoa, I think we could both use a hot beverage. Anyway, I needed an accomplice but sadly enough my intellect is unrivaled… I would have asked Leonard a long time ago but I don't have to explain why he's ill-suited for the position… But you on the other hand – you're perfect" Sheldon explained, his eyes shining as he shared his master plan with her.

Amy's mouth hung open. Sheldon wasn't quite sure what that meant but seeing as his idea was so glorious, it had to mean she was so amazed she couldn't speak and was eager to hear more about this fantastic idea of his.

"My first idea was that we'd arrange to be bitten by radioactive spiders and thus gain super powers but since that experiment is still purely theoretical and the super villain costumes I was making for us didn't… I mean, since something _came up_ , I thought we'd settle for Evil Genius Duo" he continued, tugging at his lab coat while awaiting the enthusiastic response from Amy that was sure to come.

"I'm not taking over the world with you Sheldon" Amy stated flatly, finally finding her voice again.

Sheldon's smile was instantly replaced with what Amy now knew was his pouty face.

"But _Amy,_ you said I could choose the activity this time and I brought coats and a handbook and-"

"I know Sheldon but I've put my plans on world domination on the shelf. I've come to realize my powers can only be used for good, not evil."

"That's not what you told me three years ago."

"What can I say? People change."

Amy watched Sheldon as he sank back against the couch, looking like a child who had just been told he hadn't finished his dinner so therefore he couldn't have dessert.

Oh, be still her heart! It was one of the most beautiful things anyone had ever said to her! To include her in his plans, no matter how malign and no matter how many innocent civilians might be sacrificed along their path to total hegemony… But if these Sleepover Nights weren't going to be all about Sheldon's future plans to conquer the world, she needed to take it down a notch.

"I love the idea" she let out softly, nudging his thigh with her knee. "What if we had a secret club? I never got to be in one of those as a kid. We could go on adventures together, and have secret meetings… We could still wear the lab coats?" she coaxed, trying to get him to look up.

"A genius club?" Sheldon mumbled, his arms crossed over his chest.

"Just you and me. We'd set up Head Quarters, instate an Honor Code…"

"…Design a flag, compose an anthem…" Sheldon filled in, his eyes sparkling once again. His chest heaved as his initial enthusiasm returned to him.

"Anything you want" Amy exhaled, she too warming up to the idea. It was true, she'd longed to belong as a child, as she suspected Sheldon had too, and what could be better than them creating their own secret society?

"I'll go make us some cocoa" Sheldon grinned, rising from the couch to head over to the kitchen. Suddenly he stopped dead in his tracks, turning to look at Amy who raised her eyebrow in confusion.

"What is it Sheldon?" she asked, worried he was having second thoughts.

"It's just that there's something I really wanted to say. I've been looking forward to it all week… and I've waited all my life to say it" Sheldon sighed, majestically staring out into what would have been the starry sky hadn't they been indoors.

Amy rolled her eyes, knowing exactly what was coming.

"I already told you I'm not doing that."

"Please, please, please Amy! Can't you just _pretend_ that it's what we're doing? You know I can't tell the difference anyway" Sheldon pleaded with her, sticking out his plump bottom lip. Well that was it then. She couldn't resist him when he looked like that.

"Okay. I'll pretend" she relented, chuckling internally as he clapped his hands happily.

Sheldon cleared his throat, put on his best regal face, and held out his hand to her.

"Together we can rule the Galaxy" he bellowed, and it took all her will-power not to laugh. She accepted his hand, allowing him to pull her to him, giggling into his chest as he embraced her.

Sheldon rested his chin at the top of her head for a while, enjoying feeling tall and strong and like he could lift her up and carry her if he wanted to. Stupid romantic nonsense. But she was so small and soft, and her hair smelled like peaches, and he felt oddly powerful being so much bigger than her. Like he could stand between her and everything hurtful in this world.

Amy pulled back, still smiling as she looked into his eyes.

"I think this is where you're supposed to kiss me" she mumbled, biting her lip flirtatiously.

"Really?" Sheldon asked sincerely, a confused look on his face. "I've seen The Empire Strikes Back a total of 759 times and I don't recall Darth Vader kissing Luke Skywalker at the end of that scene…"

"You've forced me to watch it with you 35 times out of those 759 and I don't remember them hugging either…" Amy whispered, and pulled him down to press her lips against his.

'Well, she _is_ right' Sheldon thought as he tilted his head slightly to the side to respond to her kiss. He let his hand slide lower onto her back until he could feel the waistband on her skirt through her pullover. It wasn't quite as low as he wanted to go. But it was as low as he dared to go for now.

He broke it off then, licking his lips as he looked down at his girlfriend, whose emerald eyes were still gazing longingly at him.

"I make the cocoa, you go set up Head Quarters?" Sheldon suggested, his hand still secured around her waist.

"Okay!" Amy agreed, and he let go of her to allow her to dart off to her bedroom, presumably to gather…whatever one might need to set up camp. He'd never had any friends as a child, let alone been the member of a band of adventurers, so he had absolutely no idea what she might have in mind. Perhaps a new blanket fort?

It wasn't a blanket fort. It wasn't a tree fort. It wasn't a fort of any kind.

It was two mattresses and a couple of pillows and blankets spread out on the floor in front of the TV.

"Go change into your pajamas Sheldon, I'll make us some sandwiches. Is the cocoa ready?" Amy asked when she had finished setting up camp, donning a nightgown and the lab coat Sheldon had brought her.

"That's Head Quarters?" Sheldon asked suspiciously, nudging his head in the direction of the fluffy pile on the floor.

"Yes. We can pull the blankets over our heads like a tent and watch movies" Amy replied excitedly, gently shoving him out of the way to take the cocoa off the stove.

"But I thought we'd compose an anthem and draw up protocol and defend our grounds against intruders?" Sheldon whined as he watched Amy pick out condiments from the fridge and cut up a loaf of bread.

"This is just our first meeting Sheldon! Heroes need to eat too, don't they?"

He contemplated this for a while, his rumbling stomach backing her up.

"I suppose you're right. So wait, we're the heroes now? Because I'll have to get a new guidebook if we are."

"I told you Sheldon, I can only do good. Now shoo, shoo, I'm almost done with dinner" Amy told him, motioning with her hand for him to go do as he was told.

Once he'd recovered from his initial disappointment Sheldon came to the conclusion that this primitive set up was quite satisfactory, even _fun,_ and Amy had surprised him by renting the Goonies on Netflix which they both agreed was the best secret club-band of brothers-adventure film of all time, and so he sipped his cocoa and felt proud of himself for coming up with such a great activity for Sleepover Night. Although this had been Amy's idea. But he thought of it first.

"Shouldn't we come up with a name for our club?" Sheldon asked as he munched on the popcorn Amy had made for them when they'd finished the sandwiches. After starting out ambitiously by sitting with their legs crossed with the blankets pulled over their heads they'd both agreed that they'd been more agile and flexible when they were children and that individuals over the age of 30 were entitled to (or perhaps just in dire need of) some lumbar support. Piling up the pillows against the couch they'd leaned back while simultaneously letting out a guttural groan of pleasure, agreeing that this was a much more satisfactory arrangement.

"I guess that would be a good start. Do you have any suggestions? I always spend weeks trying to come up with titles for articles and papers" Amy admitted, recalling the time when she'd published a report titled Rat Brains all too well. Well what the hell did people expect from her? She was a neurobiologist, not an author.

"Sheldon's and Amy's Superior League of Scientists?" Sheldon offered, tasting the words as he spoke them out loud.

"SASLS?"

"It funny because it sounds like Zazzles. You know, my cat" the lanky man giggled, feeling a wave of affection for the cuddly animal he'd once called his companion.

"I remember. But given your history on going overboard with this feline fascination thing, I'd think it better if we avoided anything affined with small- to medium sized predators."

"Einstein's Angels then?"

"I don't know… How about Sheldon's and Amy's Band of Brainiacs?"

"Brainiac? Isn't that a derogatory term for genius?"

"It's called 'reclaiming', Sheldon. To take back a word once used to belittle us, and make it ours" Amy argued, channeling her inner Harvey Milk.

"Ah, what is it with you and dabbling into the social sciences? I thought we'd been through this before" Sheldon sighed, helping himself to another fistful of popcorn.

"Come on, what do you say? I think it has a nice ring to it."

"The Band of Brainiacs? I suppose I enjoy the musical quality of it… Alright then, all in favor for the decision? Yea or Nay?"

"Yea" Amy called out happily, bumping her shoulder into his.

"Yea" Sheldon repeated, and that's how it came to pass when Sheldon and Amy formed a secret society, an event that would lead to a life-changing decision on Sheldon's part. But not in that very instant, because Sheldon still held a grudge against his petite companion, one he had decided to nurture in solitude.

The two members of this newly founded club for self-admiration spent the upcoming hour watching the rest of the movie in silence, both deeply submerged in thought. Both of them had independently come to the conclusion that none of them had any memories of having done something like this before – none of them had ever snuggled up on the floor in front of the TV with a friend or sibling, and none of them had been allowed into any social groups or blanket forts or play dens. This was completely new. Everything about their relationship was new.

"You know that list you brought?" Amy said at last, remembering something Sheldon had said earlier. "I have one of those too."

"Really?" Sheldon asked, turning to look at her.

"Mhm. I started it when I was 16. I swore I'd get back at Tina Robertson one day for yanking out the Kleenex from my bra in front of the whole class back in '94" Amy muttered, not mentioning all the rotting bio-matter she'd sent Tina through the mail over the years. Having access to a laboratory wasn't without its perks.

"I've organized my list chronologically. I'd start with Billy Sparks and work my way up to Barry Kripke. Oh, the things I have planned for him…" Sheldon rumbled diabolically, rubbing his hands together as his eyes turned mysteriously black, and Amy could swear ominous music was playing in the background. Trying her best to suppress the uncomfortable notion that many of Sheldon's personality traits were alarmingly interchangeable with the criteria for antisocial personality disorder, a.k.a psychopathy, Amy cleared her throat to try to steer back the conversation to less illegal waters.

"I think… you know when I was younger I just wanted to be included. And as I grew older I found myself hoping that things would turn out bad for them. Like, they'd be unsuccessful or never marry or, you know… get mysteriously run over by a car in a dark alley" she began, coughing a little as she was swept away in her fantasy for a second. "But now… I just feel like the best thing we can do to get back at them is to be happy. To let them know that they never got to us."

"What kind of hippy-dippy drivel is that? I'd be positively _thrilled_ if Billy Sparks was sent back in time to be eaten alive by a Tyrannosaurus" Sheldon snorted, shaking his head at his girlfriend. "So by your logic, I would be getting back at them because his death would make me happy. Right?"

"Well I… Alright, yes. But we're not killing Billy Sparks Sheldon, and that's final."

"But-"

"No. We have our Band of Brainiacs now, we should be able to come up with a more civilized method of revenge. Besides, that's not the kind of happiness I was referring to. I meant… the one you feel when you've realized that there are more important things in life than all the wrong people have done to you. When you've found something that makes you want to move forward and find your own place, like… a source of joy. You know…" Amy tried to explain, making strange motions with her hands.

"Like what we have together?" Sheldon filled in, watching her as her hands fell to her lap in surprise.

"Yeah" she exhaled, her heart thumping loudly in her chest, "Like what we have."

"Hmm" Sheldon nodded, his gaze turning inwards as if he were trying to work something out. Amy glanced at the clock on the wall, realizing it was way past Sheldon's bedtime and that she was exhausted after a long hard day at work and too much cocoa and popcorn. She contemplated asking him if she could sleep in the living room with him, or better yet if he wanted to join her in her bedroom, but something told her that this wasn't the right time. Instead she turned to her boyfriend, grabbing his hand to yank him out of his thoughts.

"I'm going to bed now Sheldon" she informed him, cocking her head to the side curiously as she noticed Sheldon still appeared to be a million miles away.

"Okay" he exhaled, his facial expression blank.

"Do you want me to call you so we can talk on the phone before we fall asleep?" Amy asked tentatively, wondering what could have gotten into his head now to render him so quiet.

Sheldon slowly shook his head no, which just sent another wave of confusion through the petite brunette.

"No… no you go to sleep. I'll be okay here."

"You sure?"

"Yeah… Yeah I'm sure."

Amy nodded, smiling a little as she leaned forward and placed a tender kiss on Sheldon's vaulted eyebrow.

"Good night Sheldon" she whispered, rising from the floor to make her way to her bedroom.

"Good night Amy" Sheldon whispered back, the sound from the TV nearly drenching his voice. He watched her as she closed the door to her bedroom behind her, his left hand gently rubbing the spot where her lips had touched his skin.

He burrowed himself in the soft pile of pillows and blankets, not bothering to turn off the TV. He'd always been slightly scared of the dark and felt uncomfortable sleeping in new places. Although he'd been with Amy for five years so her apartment hardly qualified as a 'new place'.

He'd nearly fallen asleep when his phone rang, the entire mattress vibrating as he'd forgotten to put it on the side table. Wiping the drool from the corner of his mouth he slid his thumb over the screen to answer.

"I said you didn't need to call" he told the woman he called his significant other.

"I know but there was something I forgot to say" Amy said, her voice deep and full, like it always was when she talked to him in bed.

Sheldon rubbed his eyes, turning to lie on his back.

"Alright, but you really need to work on your listening skills" he lectured her, not able to resist the chance to pique her for waking him up just as he'd managed to get to rest.

"Fair enough" Amy agreed, and he could hear her shift position, probably to lie on her side as he knew she preferred. She wasn't the only one to have learned things in that blanket fort.

"I just wanted to say that there are more ways to rule the world than by conquering it… And I'd be honored to stand by your side as you figure them out" she told him sincerely, and her words tugged at something deep within him, that thing that had been slowly growing stronger these past few years.

"Thank you" he let out weakly, unable to find the right words – as if there were any.

"Go to sleep now Sheldon. And turn off the TV" Amy reminded him playfully, and almost out of its own volition his hand grabbed the remote control and turned off the screen with the flickering images, and the room went pitch black.

"It's off" Sheldon mumbled, finding comfort in her voice. Maybe he'd be able to fall asleep after all.

"Good. Night night."

"'Night" he murmured, hanging up the phone and fumbling around in the dark for a moment until he found one of the side tables and placed the device on top of it.

Just like that. Just like that she had washed away that disappointment he'd felt when she'd turned his offer down, that grudge he'd held against her all night despite all the fun they'd had. Just like that she had convinced him that there really was only one decision to be made, one that had been at the back of his head for months, one that he'd gone back and forth on – one that he now with absolute certainty and every fiber of his being knew was right.

Turning over to go back to sleep his thoughts went to all that money he had saved in the bank – that, which he'd been planning on using to buy himself robot eyes and reinforce his skeleton with adamantium.

He could afford to put those plans on the shelf for a few years.

* * *

Thanks for reading and reviewing! I hope you're all excited for next week's installment! If the idea of the Shamy founding a club together is something that appeals to you I suggest you check out April in Paris's Book Club-series - a true piece of art!

-YlvaBorealis


	3. Chapter 3

"Les derniers seront les premiers  
Dans l'autre réalité  
Nous serons princes d'éternité"

\- Jean-Jacques Goldman

* * *

One of life's greatest paradoxes is that of the Pestilent Partner. It seems completely illogical and yet every person on the planet (un)fortunate enough to have found that special someone can testify to its existence and veracity. During the five years Sheldon Cooper had dated Amy Farrah Fowler he'd become increasingly aware of this peculiar phenomenon – and more and more puzzled by it.

As weird as it may sound, all the evidence pointed in the same direction: the strength of your love for a person directly correlates to the strength of your desire to throw them off a bridge out on a busy highway.

Like the time when Amy had cooked prawns for dinner and Sheldon had refused to try them, citing their close relationship to cockroaches and woodlice as the reason why the ingestion of such creatures was completely inappropriate, not to mention super gross. Amy had urged him to at least try a bite, and had also pointed out that while prawns were indeed crustaceans they weren't _insects_ so it wouldn't do him any harm to try it. Sheldon had agreed that the consumption of arthropods wasn't in itself dangerous, but had also argued that prawns have six legs and antennae and an exo-skeleton which in his book makes them bugs and therefore they should be dealt with as such. Amy had yelled at him when he'd sprayed the chili-fried prawns with REPEL ("For Christ's sake Sheldon, they're already DEAD!"), and she had refused to speak with him for the remainder of the evening. Sheldon hadn't minded at the time – after all, he got the pizza he'd wanted to begin with, and he could play Candy Crush on his phone all through dinner without Amy interrupting him with silly questions.

How something as insignificant as a small invertebrate could cause such controversy was entirely beyond Sheldon, but one thing he knew for certain – had he known what was coming he would have just tried the stupid thing and had it be over with. But he didn't, and so followed an event that Sheldon would later think of as 'The time I almost took the wheel from Amy and steered the car into a concrete wall'. It had been one long, long, long, long, _long_ drive home to 2311 N. Los Robles Avenue, during which Sheldon had found himself thinking 'It's just not possible to be this furious with another human being' no less than 23 times.

Sheldon had been in one corner. Amy had been in the other. They'd been searching for weaknesses, an opening in the other's defense, and the audience had been cheering on and biting their nails as they both delivered blow after blow (well technically they'd been alone in the car shouting accusations at each other but you know, details), their argument skyrocketing into a full-frontal fight that would surely have earned them millions of dollars in ticket-sales had they been professional boxers and not nerdy scientists with questionable social-skills.

The lanky physicist had spitted out a particularly venomous remark about the petite neurobiologist's soft spot for lower primates, commenting that it was hardly surprising she'd had trouble finding other company if that was the standard she'd held herself to. Judging from the look on Amy's face Sheldon was sure he was the new champion, but alas he'd been sorely mistaken: his triumph was to last a mere 1.5 seconds, after which Amy pulled out a weapon so lethal that he'd contemplated informing the U.S government of its existence.

She'd begun crying.

Apparently a woman's tears contain some sort of mind-controlling agent because Sheldon had found himself apologizing for just about everything he had ever said during the years they'd been dating, and after she'd pulled up in front of his building he had _held her_ and _patted her hair_ and told her he was _inferior_ and _unworthy,_ and what was even worse was that he'd had _absolutely no control of his actions whatsoever._

That was the first time he had seriously considered he might actually love her. He also ordered prawn rolls the next time they went out for sushi, after which he had to admit to her that they were in fact quite tasty. You know, given that they were water bugs.

She had slowly opened him up to new experiences and coaxed him into abandoning some of his more restrictive habits, and so when she asked him to check his e-mail after they had finished dinner the day before their third official Sleepover Night he did as he was told without further ado.

"What am I supposed to do with this?" Sheldon asked confusedly as he scrolled through the document on his iPad, nodding 'thanks' to Amy as she put a steaming mug of tea in front of him.

"Why memorize it of course" Amy replied, as if it were obvious. "Have you forgotten that tomorrow night is Sleepover Night?"

"I have an eidetic memory, I remember-"

"-every single day of your entire life, I know, I know" Amy filled in, having been given the same answer countless times before. "Still, with your superior intellect and fondness for structure and routine you should have been able to guess what the document was for."

"Am I to assume you think I've lost my touch?" Sheldon gasped, his hand shooting to his heart.

"Assuming makes an ass out of you and me ("Amy! Language!)". I'm merely stating facts. Also I said that you're smart and organized, didn't you catch that?" Amy teased, waggling her eyebrows flirtatiously as she gently blew on her tea before taking a cautious sip of the hot liquid.

"Well I've always said that your adoration of me is one of your most redeeming qualities" Sheldon muttered as he reluctantly downloaded and saved the file she'd sent him to his iPad. He tapped the icon when it appeared on the screen, carefully studying the document once more. He thought he might have an idea of what it was Amy had planned for them but he couldn't be sure, although this time he was almost certain it wouldn't involve needles - for which he (not to mention his left ear) was ever grateful.

"Alright" Sheldon sighed, putting away the iPad and helping himself to a piece of cake Amy had brought over for Date Night, "how do you suggest we do this? I would think it more logical to have the sleepover at your apartment, seeing as it is more suitable for the type of… activity you have in mind. However, you would have to help me transport some of the necessary equipment from my place to yours, which would leave us with one hour less to complete the activity before bedtime" he pointed out, watching his girlfriend as she contemplated this. She rarely made any sound to indicate she was thinking: instead she simply looked to the side, her eyebrows furrowed and her forehead wrinkled. A few years ago this move would have been entirely too nuanced for him to pick up on, resulting in him interpreting her silence as a cue for him to continue speaking. Now he simply waited, knowing she was working out the pros and cons in her head.

"There are two ways for us to do this" she finally said, pausing for a second to put a spoonful of chocolate cake in her mouth, moaning out loud because it was so darn delicious. The sound sent a shiver down Sheldon's spine and he quickly diverted his gaze, hoping she wouldn't notice he was blushing. "Either you help me carry down the equipment you need to my car and I'll keep it in the trunk 'til tomorrow, or I bring the equipment _I_ need with me to work tomorrow and I'll drive us to Los Robles. I'm reluctant to keep expensive hardware in my car overnight though, I mean your video camera alone is worth several hundred dollars. It's better if we have the sleepover at your place, you know… I just need clothes and make up. Possibly some silk scarves" Amy continued, feeling a rush of excitement shoot through her as she thought of their plans for Friday night.

"While I agree that this arrangement is much safer and less time-consuming, there is one problem" Sheldon told her, knowing there was no way he would agree to this if their privacy couldn't be guaranteed. "Penny is away on business so Leonard will be home tomorrow."

"Well" Amy husked as she toyed with the whipped cream on her plate with her spoon, "I guess you will have to send him away then."

That proved to be easier said than done. Leonard had (as was his habit) whined about how there was nothing to do in Penny's apartment when she wasn't there, and that their other mutual friends Howard and Raj were spending the night with their wife and girlfriend, respectively, so he would have no one to hang out with, and no he couldn't just bring his video games to Penny's apartment because she didn't have a console. Sheldon had argued that they had a clause in the Roommate Agreement that handled the topic of girlfriends and sleepovers and that Leonard was legally obliged to stay away until Sheldon invited him back over, to which Leonard replied that Sheldon had never done that for him so why should he?

It was truly befuddling, as Leonard had always been - as it was commonly known - a "bro" about these things, and Sheldon suspected his sudden diversion from his normal cooperative demeanor had to do with Penny's business trip because it was yet another testament to the fact that she made more money than him. When he pointed that out Leonard finally relented and apologized, offering to drive Sheldon home on Friday should he need time to prepare for Amy's visit. Sheldon had politely declined, and informed him that he was welcome back home at 9.00 a.m. on Saturday morning.

"What did he say when you told him that?" Amy asked as Sheldon told her about the ordeal while they climbed the stairs up to his apartment the following night. They were both carrying large boxes, and Amy who was short nearly had to walk sideways to see where she put her feet.

"I don't know, I wasn't listening. Something, something, 'use protection', something" Sheldon replied as he balanced the box on his hip while simultaneously trying to fish his keys out of his pocket. "I can't be sure but I think he was being sarcastic. I always take the necessary precautions to ensure the safety of myself and others – Leonard knows that by now, he even helped set up some of the booby traps in the living room…"

Amy bit her bottom lip, entering the apartment as Sheldon leaned against the door to keep it from slamming shut. "I don't think that's the kind of protection he was talking about Sheldon" she mumbled as she sat her box down on the floor, keeping her back to him as she felt her temperature rise. This was mined territory. One step and she might lose a foot.

Sheldon stared at her curiously, wondering why she'd suddenly gone so quiet. 'That's not the kind of protection he was talking about.'

Oh. He'd meant… Oh.

Sheldon didn't know what to reply. Did his roommate's remark mean that Leonard assumed that Amy and Sheldon were having SEX now, or that they were at least about to have SEX within the foreseeable future? Dear Lord. While he'd most certainly worried about the implications of them spending every Friday night together, it hadn't crossed his mind that _others_ would now assume that they were having SEX… But if Leonard had been sarcastic it meant that they didn't. Somehow that upset Sheldon even more.

He put his box down next to hers, carefully avoiding looking at her.

"So uhm… Do you want to have dinner first or…?" the tall man asked awkwardly, eager to move on to safer grounds.

Amy turned to him then, nodding as she tried to appear unmoved by his discomfort.

"Yeah… Yeah, I'm starving. Let's order in today, I don't really feel like cooking" she replied, moving over to the kitchen to get the take out menus, leaving Sheldon alone with his thoughts. He went to sit down in his spot on the couch, his eyes firmly locked on his top desk drawer on the opposite end of the room. There were decisions to be made… Important decisions indeed.

Like whether or not he should ask Amy exactly what she had in mind for their Sleepover Night. She'd told him that all she needed was clothes and make up but those boxes had been really heavy – unless she had dismantled her actual closet and brought it with her they must contain something else. As dinner arrived and they sat down to eat he became increasingly sure that he shouldn't have been so quick to assume that he knew what she'd planned.

"Are you excited?" Amy asked after they'd finished the last of their Thai food. She handed her empty Styrofoam carton to Sheldon for him to put in the trash bin, grinning once again as the awkwardness from before dinner was long forgotten. "I know I am. This is the kind of thing I've fantasized about doing since I was a teenager!"

Sheldon gulped as he cleared the table, thinking to himself that this had become part of their Friday night routine: each of them walking on eggshells around the other, terrified of just how far they might take this whole adolescence repossession thing. Not that he was one to talk – he'd suggested they switch careers to become criminal masterminds the week before after all. But that was just it – with their combined intelligence and Sheldon's predisposition for grandiose (Leonard called it "loony") thinking and Amy's access to various biohazardous materiel, things could get really interesting… or really, really precarious.

Sheldon placed two fingers over the inside of his wrist, checking his watch and mouthing "one, two, three" silently to himself.

"Either that or I'm about to die of a heart attack" he replied when he was done, shooting a glance at the cardboard boxes which were still standing next to the coffee table. "Would you care to tell me what it is we're doing so I can decide whether to call the hospital to let them know I'm coming in or not?"

Amy rolled her eyes at her neurotic boyfriend, thinking to herself that while tonight's activity would benefit from his tendency to overdramatize, it would do him good to learn not to expect the worst all the time.

"Don't be silly Sheldon, you're not gonna die. Plus I know mouth-to-mouth so should you have a heart attack I'll be able to keep you alive 'til the ambulance arrives."

"You're just saying that so you'll have an excuse to stick your tongue down my throat."

"I've never stuck my tongue down your throat!"

"Well it would be the perfect time when I'm out cold, wouldn't it?"

"That's just… There are no tongues involved in mouth-to-…wait, why am I arguing with you about this?"

"You tell me, I wasn't the one who brought it up."

"You just… gah!" Amy cried out, counting to ten in her head while trying to think of her happy place, a place where everything was nice and quiet and she wasn't just about to throttle her boyfriend.

Breathing in through her nose and out of her mouth she looked up at Sheldon, who was regarding her innocently with those big blue eyes of his. It was a good thing he was cute, or she might actually have gone through with the deed.

"We… are going to record a music video" she said at last, giggling as she watched Sheldon take a deep breath to protest, only to deflate as his mind processed what she had just said.

"Oh… well, that doesn't sound too bad" he let out flatly, wondering to himself why he'd been so worried about Leonard being in the apartment. Now he wasn't at all sure what it was he'd imagined they'd be doing.

Amy looked as if she were thinking the exact same thing, only she seemed amused rather than puzzled.

"Didn't you get that from the lyrics I asked you to memorize?" she teased, realizing (not for the first time) that Sheldon's fantastically intricate mind was so complex that it was unable to make the simplest of connections – like that lyrics and video cameras and props and frocks probably meant they'd be recording themselves singing.

"I thought it might have something to do with that" Sheldon pouted, trying to save face.

"Of course you did. Come on, let's set the scene! I brought outfits for the two of us but I wasn't really sure which theme I wanted for the video so I thought we might go through them together" Amy enthused, tugging at her boyfriend's hand to get him to come along with her.

'Well, this might actually be fun' Sheldon thought as Amy kept babbling, watching a whirlwind of nylon and pastel colors and glimmering feather boas swirl through the living room as his girlfriend unpacked one of the two cardboard boxes. They'd often recorded videos in costume for his "Fun with Flags" online educational program, and as long as Amy remembered to press "record" on the camera these sessions usually went by smoothly. He wasn't exactly sure how this was different from what they'd done on previous occasions and why it was something Amy felt she'd missed out on, but he was willing to play along if it meant he didn't have to offer up another of his appendages as an offering to whatever God one was supposed to appease by modifying one's body.

"So I had two ideas for the video" Amy continued as she kept throwing scarves and gloves his way without bothering to look back to see if he actually caught any of them, "the first was to just lip-sync to the original recording of the song and act out a replica of the accompanying music video. But logistically that could be tricky, and I don't think we'll have the time to film all the necessary scenes… That's why I asked you to memorize the lyrics and the tabs."

Sheldon, who was busy trying to balance a steadily growing pile of clothes in his arms, searched the vast library that was his eidetic memory but couldn't for the life of him remember having ever seen the video she spoke of.

"And the second idea?" he asked, dumping the clothes in the armchair, shuddering as he realized how disorganized the pile was. He had an overwhelming need to sort and fold it.

"The second idea is to sing and play ourselves, and direct this sort of… low-key version of the original video. I thought we might film it in your bedroom. I brought props…" Amy grinned, eager to get on with it.

"Oh Dear" Sheldon mumbled, thinking he might have reason to be nervous after all. "I better go set up my piano then."

One of their strengths as a couple was their ability to work efficiently together. Sheldon was quite happy tinkering with his amplifier and digital piano while Amy gradually turned his bedroom into something that looked like a backdrop from "Sixteen Candles". Not that he'd seen that movie…. more than once.

Within twenty minutes the scene was set, all the cords were checked and all the hideous quilts and stuffed toys were in their respective places on the bed, and the amplifier worked perfectly after Sheldon gave it a good smack ("That's how my father handled machinery if it sassed him"). He decided to play through the tabs while Amy changed into her costume, informing her as she tried to get him to change too that the correct dress code for backing musicians is all black and that's what he was going to wear. She had reluctantly admitted that he was right, perking up as he told her this meant she was the star and not him.

"What do you think?" Amy asked as she returned from Leonard's room, motioning for him to take off his headphones and focus on her. He pulled out the plug and put the phones back in their case, slowly taking in the sight of her. Well, it was certainly… different from what she usually wore. A black sequined blazer over a striped tank top, some kind of patterned flowy skirt and bright pink leggings, and a black hat. It was small and round, resting rakishly at the top of her head. He found himself wondering how it stayed on.

"It's very… 80's" Sheldon stammered, trying not to stare at her décolletage. Amy rarely wore anything even remotely revealing and the last time she'd exposed part of her bosom he'd had to go lie down with his feet up high to avoid passing out. Strangely enough they'd been engaging in a rather juvenile activity at that time too.

Amy's face fell, and she looked down at her skirt.

"Is that a bad thing?" she asked, suddenly feeling insecure about standing in front of the camera. They had worn all kinds of silly costumes when they recorded "Fun with Flags" but she'd tried to look _good_ this time. She'd hoped he'd say she was pretty.

"It's not… I mean that's to say… You look very… sparkling" Sheldon coughed out, struggling to express himself. "While I haven't watched many music videos in my life, the ones I have seen suggest that your attire is entirely appropriate for MTV" he continued, exhaling loudly as Amy's smile returned to her face. Disaster averted.

"Nobody watches MTV for the music videos anymore Sheldon" Amy mumbled sweetly, nudging his shoulder with her elbow.

"Of course they do. MTV. Music Television" Sheldon insisted, cocking his head to the side. "What else would they be watching?"

"Teenagers giving birth, teenagers getting drunk, teenagers taking drugs, teenagers getting arrested" Amy recited as she checked the settings on the camera. "Teenagers getting rejected by their best friend whom they've been crushing on for seven years, teenagers getting tricked into falling in love with people they've never met… it has something to do with catfish but I'm not sure what" she continued as she pressed "record" and grabbed something that looked like a journal or diary and a pencil from the top of Sheldon's chest of drawers.

"My Meemaw used to fry catfish for dinner if I visited her on Wednesdays" Sheldon suddenly recalled, surprised to find he could actually feel the scent of it waft into his nostrils. Oh, memories.

"I don't think that's what they are referring to Sheldon" Amy giggled as she crawled onto the bed, neatly arranging her skirt so it would flow out over the covers. "But I'll cook you catfish every Wednesday from now on if it makes you happy."

"You would do that for me?" Sheldon gasped, staring into her emerald green eyes as she took off her glasses and hid them on the window sill behind the drapes.

"I'd do anything for you. Now come on maestro, hit it from the top!" Amy exclaimed, and as if possessed by one of the old masters he began playing, his fingers dancing over the keys as Amy began singing. She pretended to be writing in her diary, looking sad and forlorn as she glanced into the camera.

" _Lying in my bed I hear the clock tick,  
and think of you  
Caught up in circles confusion -  
is nothing new  
Flashback - warm nights -  
almost left behind  
Suitcases of memories,  
time after…"_

Her voice trembled as she sang, and he felt the hair on his arms rise as the vibrations hit his chest. He loved that rumbling contralto of hers. She sat up on her knees, appearing to be mourning something she'd lost. How could she know what that was like?

 _"…_ _Sometimes you picture me -  
I'm walking too far ahead,  
you're calling to me, I can't hear  
what you've said -  
Then you say - go slow -  
I fall behind -  
the second hand unwinds…"_

He felt sweat trickle down his forehead as he played, his eyes never leaving her as she acted out her pain, and he was mesmerized… Years of practice meant he could let his hands roam freely over the keys, allowing for him to watch what was unfolding before him. That voice of hers, that deep, husky voice.

 _"_ _If you're lost you can look - and you will find me  
Time after time  
If you fall I will catch you - I'll be waiting  
Time after time…"_

She sang and he played, and time seemed to be standing still. He had no memory of finishing the song: suddenly it was just over. How could he not have seen it? How could he not have listened to her before?

Amy too was quiet, aware that whatever had just taken place it had gone beyond a mere amateur recording of a music video. Sheldon was sitting by his piano, looking down at it as if unsure of what to do next. Suddenly he seemed to have found his equilibrium, turning the piano off before raising his head to look at her.

"I have something for you" he said, rising from his seat and pressing "stop" on the camera before he walked out the door, leaving her alone on the bed with the plush toys and the ugly quilt her grandmother had given her for her 20th birthday. She looked down at her skirt, absent-mindedly smoothing out the hem. It was funny how nearly every single time they'd been in his bedroom (or hers for that matter), they'd been in costume. Doctor Who, prom dress, train conductor… But this felt more like that time when they'd just been themselves, and she'd asked him if they would ever have an intimate relationship. It was strange indeed.

Sheldon rummaged through his drawers, searching for the item he knew had been there just the day before. He'd searched all over town for the likes of it, only to be told that what he wanted wasn't in retail anymore. After getting one or three shop clerks fired and very nearly earning himself another restraining order to go with his collection he'd settled for a substitute – it wasn't what he'd been after but it would have to do until he could get a hold on the real thing.

"Aha!" he exclaimed as he found it, holding the box behind his back as he went back to his bedroom. Amy was just where he'd left her, sitting up as she heard him enter the room.

"Now" Sheldon began as he sat down on the bed next to her, careful not to let her see what he held in his hand, "As you know I am not particularly fond of gift-giving and I realize that this… item, might not be exactly what you expected. I assure you I've been doing my best to find just the perfect one but unfortunately things didn't turn out the way I planned… Now, since you've offered to cook me catfish every Wednesday for an unspecified amount of time I will consider us even, and therefore there's no need for you to get me something in return… So… here you go" he finished, handing over the box to his somewhat stunned girlfriend, who gingerly accepted it.

She opened it slowly, instantly realizing what it was when she saw the shape of the package. She couldn't believe he had actually gone out and done this – had he thought of it all by himself?

"It's perfect" she sobbed, pulling the item out of the box and clutching it to her heart. "I can't believe that you'd… Oh it's just wonderful…"

Sheldon felt oddly proud of himself as he watched Amy admire the bright pink retro telephone receiver-shaped (how's that for a tongue twister?) headset, complete with a curly cord and an iPhone-compatible plug. He had meant to get her an actual telephone but as it turned out the model he was looking for was quite hard to come by so instead he'd gone for the next best thing.

"Now I can call you on your pink telephone" he mumbled, regarding Amy as she picked out her phone to plug in the headset.

"I want to try it out" she told him excitedly. "Try calling me up."

"Alright" Sheldon nodded, swinging his feet over the edge of the bed to head out to the living room, only to freeze on the spot as Amy's hand shot out to grab his shoulder.

"No, please stay here with me" she pleaded with him, pulling him down until they were lying side by side on their backs.

"I don't understand. If I call you up while we're in the same room you'll hear me talking next to you" Sheldon protested, thinking her request was slightly odd.

"It doesn't matter, just call me up" she repeated, turning to look at him with those forest green eyes of hers. She hadn't put her glasses back on yet and she was still wearing that costume, and suddenly he felt as if he'd been transported to another place and another time, somewhere way back where they could have been hadn't they been where they were.

"Okay" he whispered, leaning back against the pillow as he put his phone to his ear, hearing her phone ring at the same time the signals went through. _Beep…Beep…Beep…_

"Hey boyfriend" Amy mumbled next to him, holding the receiver with one hand and twirling the curly cord with the other, just as he'd pictured her a few weeks earlier. It was strange hearing her talking next to him while simultaneously hearing her voice through the speaker.

"Hey girlfriend" he replied softly, sighing as he raked his hand through his short chestnut-colored hair.

"It's dark out now. It must be time for bed soon" Amy said, and he felt her move next to him as she turned to glance at the digital alarm clock on his nightstand. At least that's what he thought she was doing.

"My watch says it's 9.47" Sheldon replied.

"Then your watch is falling behind."

"That's from your song."

"What?"

"That's what you sang. That you're were falling behind."

"Oh…" Amy exhaled. Perhaps there was more truth to that than Sheldon realized. She _was_ falling behind, in so many different ways. And at the same time she felt as if she were moving at the speed of light.

"Why did you pick that song?" Sheldon asked when she hadn't spoken for over a minute, thinking she might have dozed off. She was still very much awake though, and he heard her sigh heavily, which prompted him to lower the volume on the speaker as it hurt his ear.

"It was Jennie's favorite song" she replied at last, inching closer to him as she spoke.

"Jennie? Who's Jennie?" Sheldon asked confusedly, wrinkling his eyebrows as he tried to conjure a memory of her mentioning that name, but nothing popped up.

"She lived two doors down from us when I was a little girl. She seemed all grown up to me at the time but now I realize she was probably about 14 or 15 years old. She used to watch me in the evenings when my mother was at work" Amy recounted, her voice revealing she was drifting off into a long distant memory. "She'd let me watch TV after bedtime and she'd draw me pictures of Disney-characters, and tell me stories about the boys she went out with… My mother must have known but she didn't have much of a choice at the time but to leave me with her… Jennie loved Cyndi Lauper, she even wore her hair just like her… She's one of the few friends I've ever had in my life."

Sheldon licked his bottom lip, feeling slightly overwhelmed. How unfair it was, how utterly, utterly unfair that the only people who had ever cared for them had done so out of obligation.

"Where is she now?" he exhaled, wondering why he'd never heard of this girl before.

"How should I know?" Amy snorted, as were it a silly question, "it's not like my mother would have let me hang out with her. I was 9 years old and she was a teenager, and not a very well-behaved one I might add. I admired Jennie and she was nice to me, but she had her own life. She's probably married with kids now."

'Maybe…' Sheldon thought as he absent-mindedly rubbed his stomach, 'Maybe the next time you see her you will both be.'

But he didn't say it out loud, and Amy didn't appear to have much else to say, and so they both fell silent.

"I'm going to hang up now" Amy said at last, still sounding as if she were miles away.

"Okay" Sheldon mumbled, and they hung up, both of them lingering in bed as the minutes kept ticking by.

Eventually Amy sat up as the blazer had begun to itch, and Sheldon mimicked her move, thinking it was time to brush their teeth and go to bed.

"Thank you for this" Amy murmured, nudging her head at the pink headset. "It was the nicest thing anyone has ever given to me."

"You're welcome" Sheldon replied quietly, sensing that there was something hanging in the air, something that hadn't been there before.

"Well… Good night then" she whispered, leaning in to press her lips against his. He cupped her jaw as she did so, feeling his blood pressure rise as he pulled in the scent of her. They pulled back slowly, the tips of their noses still touching as they looked deeply into each other's eyes, his hand still on her cheek and her hand still at the back of his head. Yet again her lips were on his, yet again she pulled back, only to be drawn back in, their lips parting and their tongues meeting, and this was new, all new… Hands shyly roamed as they kissed, both their hearts throbbing, and Sheldon couldn't stop himself from letting out a deep guttural groan as Amy gently bit his bottom lip, which woke him from his trance and caused him to break away from her, both of them breathing heavily as they tried to process what had just happened.

"I… I should go get ready for bed" Amy stuttered, her head spinning and her thoughts colliding.

"It's… it's already past ten" Sheldon said, swallowing as he tried to gather his composure.

"Alright… g'night" Amy blurted out, grabbing her glasses and darting off before he had the chance to ask her if he could take the couch because all the awful plush animals would surely give him nightmares. He watched her shut the door behind her, his heart still pounding in his chest.

"Good night Amy" he whispered to himself, putting the tip of his finger to the spot on his bottom lip where her teeth had been just minutes before.

* * *

Thank you for reading and reviewing!

"Time after Time"

courtesy of Cyndi Lauper


	4. Chapter 4

"With the passing of each year the odds against me ever forging a full relationship lengthened as I felt myself less and less practiced in the arts of love and less and less confident about how I would ever go about finding a partner, even supposing that I wanted one. There was just so much to _do."_

\- Stephen Fry

* * *

The whiteboard stared at him with measured contempt.

"An IQ of 187 eh?" it snickered derisively, "and a bunch of titles and degrees no one in this degenerated society of advanced apes gives a damn about? Well allow me to applaud you, _Doctor_ Cooper. I'll bet people bow their heads to you, what with you knowing how to calculate how long it takes for the milk to turn your breakfast cereal into sludge and all."

"I'm a theoretical physicist" Sheldon protested, "I have a working knowledge of everything in this Universe."

"That's cute. Bet that gets you laid."

"My girlfriend has expressed the desire to copulate with me on multiple occasions-"

"HAH! It's so funny when you take things literally. It's like a greyhound chasing a toy bunny. I should charge people to come and watch the spectacle… Maybe I could finally get that beach house in Boca."

"What would a whiteboard do with a beach house in Boca?" Sheldon asked confusedly, ignoring the tiny voice at the back of his head that was telling him he was dangerously close to confirming once and for all that the doctor who told his mother he wasn't crazy had been a little too fond of his own prescription pad.

"Sheldon please stop it, my jaw muscles are cramping" the whiteboard laughed disdainfully, slapping itself on the knees.

"You're an inanimate object, you don't _have_ jaw muscles" Sheldon spat out, grabbing his eraser to wipe out the calculations he'd drawn all over it. "I'm putting you back now, I don't need your help."

"You say that every time and yet you always return to me. Admit it Cooper - it feels so right when you put your marker against me… it's like being poked with a love stick. You like it… I like it" the board whispered seductively as Sheldon carried it to the closet and slammed the door shut.

"I don't need you!" Sheldon shouted out loud, eliciting a sigh from his roommate Leonard who was slumped down in the armchair watching TV.

"Sheldon, we've been through this. If you don't want people to think you're insane you shouldn't tell off the furniture" he staccato-ed, his tired tone revealing this was hardly the first time Sheldon had been in a quarrel with his working tools.

"I wasn't telling off the furniture, I was telling off my whiteboard" Sheldon corrected as he made his way around the couch to take a seat in his assigned spot. Leonard shrugged, lazily shifting position to prop himself up on his elbow.

Sheldon squirmed uncomfortably, still somewhat miffed that he'd spent the entire prevening calculating and weighing pros and cons only to have his most trusted adjunct laugh in his face. It wasn't their first fallout - neither was it to be their last – but he had been in dire need of answers and now it was all for naught. Given Leonard's history on the subject Sheldon had been reluctant to ask him, but now it appeared he had no choice. At the same time there was something about the short, bespectacled man that evoked a sense of calm within the lanky physicist. Perhaps this was his best option after all.

"Leonard" Sheldon began, nervously fiddling with his hands, "I require your assistance."

"If you want tomato soup you can make it yourself Sheldon, I'm not getting out of this chair."

"Not _that_ kind of assistance Leonard, although I do feel compelled to remind you that according to the Roommate Agreement you're required to prepare tomato soup for me whenever I ask for it. But that set aside, I'm not hungry and I don't require any favors at the moment. I need your advice" Sheldon explained, watching his friend as he slowly turned to him, his eyebrows raised in surprise.

"…Alright" he nodded, "let me just turn off the TV." He grabbed the remote control and pressed the 'off' button, chucking it onto the coffee table and leaning back in his armchair. "So what do need help with?" he asked, studying his tall friend who looked uncharacteristically skittish.

Sheldon licked his bottom lip, feeling his heart pound against his ribcage. It wasn't like him to be this insecure. He'd lived his life almost entirely without inhibitions, and would gladly share details about his bathroom routines and health status with anyone who cared (and anyone who _didn't_ care for that matter) to listen, but this… This was big. Very big. Godzilla-trampling-down-Tokyo-big.

"Do you remember when I decided to watch 'Smallville' and waited ten years to see Clark Kent fly?" Sheldon began, thinking it might be best to ease into it.

"I do" Leonard nodded, waiting patiently for him to make his point.

"Mm… good, good" Sheldon mumbled, scrunching his eyebrows as he tried to figure out where to go from there. "So that was a big commitment."

"Definitely, I mean I couldn't imagine the level of determination it takes to actually stick 'til the end. I would have given up after season five" Leonard confessed, assuming Sheldon wanted his advice on whether or not he should start watching whatever was new on Syfy.

"Indeed… So one could say I'm somewhat of an expert on commitment" Sheldon continued, rolling his thumbs as he looked down into his lap.

"I'd say it's damn hard to get you _not_ to commit to stuff" Leonard muttered, thinking of their extensive (and restrictive) roommate agreement and Sheldon's aversion to change. Sheldon was the only known human being (and his status as such was wildly debated amongst scientists) on the planet known to have evolved from leeches and not small predatory primates.

"It is one of my finer qualities, I agree" Sheldon smiled, still observing his thumbs as he rolled them, his complex mind painting itself into a corner as he began drifting from his original thought. Luckily, Leonard threw out a life-preserver for him to grab on to. It may have been an anchor. The sight tended to be poor on stormy seas.

"Just tell me what you want Sheldon" Leonard grumbled, having lost his patience.

Sheldon snapped to attention at that, sighing despondently as he realized he couldn't keep procrastinating.

"You know how sometimes when… a person finds themselves wanting something that they've previously claimed to….not want… Because they didn't think that they would ever… And social convention dictates one should-…that is to say when a person feels a certain way about another person, they-"

"SHELDON!"

"Okay, okay. Fine. Go over to my desk and open the top drawer."

Leonard cocked his head to the side confusedly, but got up from his seat and made his way over to Sheldon's work station.

"What exactly am I looking for?" he asked as he pulled out the drawer.

"You will know when you see it."

Leonard bent over to peep behind the neatly stacked pile of papers and the equally neatly arranged basket of markers, noticing something small and box-shaped in the far right corner. Suddenly he gasped, sticking in his hand to pick up the black jewelry box. His eyes were the size of saucers as he turned to face Sheldon, looking down again only to gasp a second time as he opened the lid.

"Do you think she'll like it?" Sheldon asked quietly, unable to decipher Leonard's facial expression.

"I... guess that's not a diamond drill bit" Leonard stammered as he kept staring at the engagement ring, slowly making his way over to the armchair to take a seat opposite his friend.

Sheldon snorted derisively, thinking it was just like Leonard to state the obvious.

"Of course it isn't. Now if we could get back to the issue at hand-"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry" Leonard interrupted him, fanning himself as he struggled to keep his composure, "I just need to process this." He reached over to the side-table to yank out a tissue from the Kleenex-box, dabbing his eyes as his gaze remained locked on the ring, letting out the softest of sobs.

Sheldon rolled his eyes, feeling like he should have just allowed the whiteboard to keep mocking him. At least he had been getting results. Worthless results, yes, but results nonetheless.

"So _anyway…"_ he continued, regarding Leonard with what could only be described as disgust as the shorter man blew his nose, "I need your help. I don't know how to do this. I need it to be perfect but everything I've come up with so far has either included monkeys or harp music and to be honest I don't really know how to work with either. What do you think I should do?"

"It's really simple" Leonard said as he stuffed the tissue into his pocket, eliciting another judging look from Sheldon, "you get down on one knee and say 'Amy, will you marry me?'"

"Because that's worked so well for you in the past" Sheldon muttered, referring to all the times Penny had turned down Leonard's proposals. It had taken her years to finally agree to marry him.

"…Touché. There's always that of course…" Leonard mumbled, knowing all too well how much it had hurt to be rejected. "But Amy's crazy about you Sheldon, I can't imagine she'd ever say no. No matter how you do it it'll be perfect for her. There's no need to overcomplicate things."

"So what you're saying is…I should just ask?" Sheldon let out carefully, accepting the jewelry box as Leonard handed it over to him. It felt oddly light in his hand, considering the weight of the commitment that came with it.

It had been a rainy day, and Sheldon had been cranky, and Amy had forgotten her purse at the restaurant where they'd had dinner, and the car had been parked several blocks away and his socks had been wet and he hated that. She'd stopped to admire something through the window of an antique store and he'd urged for her to get a move on. "It's so beautiful" she'd said, seemingly ignoring him. "They're pressurized carbon atoms Amy" he'd replied, tugging at her sleeve impatiently.

He could hardly believe his luck when he returned and found no one had bought it.

"Well, you could light some candles and make her a nice dinner" Leonard mused, tapping his lips with the tip of his index finger, "or take her out someplace fancy. I dunno. Romance her."

"Oh Leonard" Sheldon groaned, "That's probably the least original idea I've ever heard. I should think after all your failed attempts at asking Penny the same question you ought to be able to come up with something more creative than 'lighting candles' and 'fancy restaurants'."

"Hey! She said yes... eventually."

"Technically she didn't. _You_ did."

Leonard groaned and buried his face in his hands, fighting the urge to storm off and leave Sheldon to deal with his problems on his own.

"Just… just do what feels right Sheldon" he let out at last, after taking a few slow steady breaths, "there's no way you can get this wrong. You got her a rock the size of Jupiter for Christ's sake."

"Jupiter isn't made of rock, Jupiter is a gas giant."

"I said _the size of._ "

"Noted."

Both men leaned back in their respective seats, Sheldon sighing as he put the box down on the coffee table. Leonard crossed his arms over his chest, regarding his friend who seemed genuinely troubled. Well this was certainly unexpected. While Leonard knew that Amy had previously expressed the desire to take hers and Sheldon's relationship to the next level, he'd imagined they'd start out with something less… traditional and legally binding. Like getting a joint ant farm. Or something less demanding… like a poster of a kitten.

"So…" Leonard said at last, grinning smugly and poking Sheldon's leg with his foot ("Leonard, I just washed these pants!") "A ring, huh?"

"Mhm" Sheldon nodded, clasping his hands in his lap.

"And these sleepovers…?" Leonard asked, making awkward motions with his hands.

Sheldon slowly turned to his bespectacled companion, contemplating whether he should pretend not to understand what Leonard was hinting at or if he should just put his cards on the table. The truth was it had been on his mind a lot lately, especially since he'd decided to propose.

He shook his head no, swallowing hard as he shifted in his seat. "No, we…. We haven't."

"Oh" Leonard let out flatly, furrowing his brows as he tried to come up with something to say. "Are you… I mean… Maybe it's none of my business but…"

"It's not" Sheldon interrupted him, instantly regretting it as he noticed Leonard cringing at the harshness of his tone. He sighed, rubbing his temple to alleviate the pain from the massive pressure that had built up in his veins. "I'm…. I'm still working on it" he admitted to his friend, his voice trembling somewhat, "but I'm getting there… I think."

"You want to marry her but you don't know if you'll ever sleep with her?" Leonard asked doubtfully, squinting behind his dark-rimmed glasses.

Sheldon looked at him as if the question made absolutely no sense to him whatsoever. Of course he wanted to marry her.

He didn't need to sleep with her to know that he loved her.

Love however is a peculiar thing, something that Sheldon had become increasingly aware of these past few weeks. Love had left him with an inflamed left earlobe and a gaping hole in his bank account, not to mention that it had put him in a terribly awkward position with the sales manager at the pharmacy (there'd been an incident surrounding a pack of condoms and a sales clerk threatening to press charges that could have gotten really ugly hadn't the sales manager recognized Sheldon as a regular), and Sheldon was already banned from all the drug stores within a 3 mile radius from Los Robles so now he had to tell Leonard he'd have to refill his inhalers elsewhere. Needless to say he left the store with no more latex than he'd arrived with, which he chose to accept as a sign, and thus he decided to swing by the hobby store instead before getting on the bus to Amy's apartment.

"Am I to assume the Band of Brainiacs will be making an appearance tonight?" Amy asked as she let him in upon his arrival, noticing he was wearing the lab coat from their Sleepover Night two weeks prior.

"You are absolutely correct Amy Farrah Fowler" Sheldon chirped as he tossed a smaller-sized lab coat in her direction, "tonight is the night when everything comes full circle. Be a lamb and put on some music will you? I'm in the mood for Klingon Opera."

Amy watched him bemusedly as she put on her white lab coat, shaking her head at his unabashed enthusiasm. She made her way over to her book shelf in search of the CD he'd given her for Valentine's Day three years prior, hoping he wouldn't notice the dust on the cover as she picked it out from the deepest darkest corner behind the 1939 World Atlas she'd inherited from one of her great aunts. Sheldon was too immerged in whatever he was doing to pay attention however, and so she quickly brushed it off before padding over to her computer to pop it in the CD slot.

"We want to be able to hold a conversation, don't we?" she coughed apologetically as Sheldon motioned with his hand for her to turn up the volume. "Fair enough" Sheldon agreed, eliciting a soft sigh of relief from his girlfriend. One small victory…

"I'm making bite-sized burgers for dinner" Amy informed the lanky physicist as she sat down next to him, craning her neck to peep into the bag he'd brought with him. Glitter? Cellophane? What in Marie Curie's name…

"Did you get bacon, cheese, and barbeque sauce?" Sheldon asked hopefully, feeling a surge at the pit of his stomach. He really should start bringing snacks to work.

"Of course. And your favorite lemonade" Amy smiled, reaching out to gently pat his knee.

"Eek!" Sheldon squealed, jumping up and down in his seat with excitement before returning to his bag. "So, moving on to tonight's activity…" he began, enjoying falling into routine, "I hope you have your old year books and school photo catalogues stored somewhere within these premises?"

"They're in my closet" Amy confirmed, "but it would have been wise of you to call first should they have been in the basement or at my mother's."

"I'll bear that in mind 'til next time" Sheldon nodded as he picked out glue and something that looked like lipstick and scented markers from his black bag. As much as Amy's IQ nearly matched that of her megalomaniac boyfriend's she couldn't for the life of her figure out just what he had planned for the evening. Her coffee table was beginning to look like something you'd find in the creative room at a pre-school for future ballerinas, and as far as she was aware Sheldon hated everything related to dance and large groups of children. But then again the element of surprise was part of this experience, and one she'd come to appreciate at that, and so she decided to leave the tall lanky man to his sequins and head over to the kitchen to tend to the burgers.

"I want the bacon, cheese, and barbeque sauce on the side!" Sheldon called out to her as the scent from the cooking meat patties began spreading through the apartment.

"I know!" Amy called back, rolling her eyes as she flipped burgers and dressed buns with salad and tomatoes.

"Well one can never be sure. Your body might have been possessed by some sort of alien entity pretending to be you for all I know. It's always best to be prepared for everything" Sheldon argued as the petite neurobiologist sat down a large glass of lemonade in front of him, raising his eyebrows knowingly at her as she simply shook her head.

"Everything is possible Sheldon, that's very true, but I assure you no strangers have been inside my body this evening. And certainly no aliens" Amy told him as she returned a second time with a plate of steaming hot bite-sized burgers. Condiments on the side for him, melting cheese and dripping of chili mayo for her.

"I'm not convinced it's possible for such a primitive species as the Homo Sapiens to make something as delicious as this" Sheldon pressed out through a mouthful of cheeseburger, closing his eyes as he savored the wonderfully unhealthy flavor. Ah, that sweet, sweet feeling of arteries clogging.

"Well I'm not just a Homo Sapiens now, am I?" Amy corrected him coyly as she too delved into her dinner.

"No… no you're not" Sheldon agreed quietly, diverting his gaze to hide the smile at the corner of his mouth. No, she certainly wasn't. She was like him: an Enlightened One. His future, past, and present, the one and only person who could lick chili mayo from her hair in front of him without earning herself the mother of all strikes, a smart-mouthed seductress in sensible footwear. He thought of the jewelry box and knew she deserved perfection – how ironic it was that he'd spent all this time not listening to her when she'd shared her views on romance, now that he could have used the information!

"Damn straight I ain't. Would a Homo Sapiens have made chocolate cupcakes for dessert? I think not" Amy reasoned, nudging her head for Sheldon to help her clear the table.

"How fortunate for the people of this planet to have been blessed with not only one but _two_ Homines Novi" Sheldon sighed contently as he put a capsule in the Nespresso machine to make Amy a cup of coffee.

"Indeed. So are you gonna tell me what we're doing tonight? Is it some sort of art project?" Amy asked as they returned to the table with their respective drinks and dessert plates.

"Oh Amy, Amy, Amy" Sheldon lilted as he raised his mug to take a sip of his chamomile tea. "You cannot imagine what I had to endure in order to gain access to the information required to go through with tonight's activity. The pain when you drove the needle through my ear was nothing, _nothing_ compared to this."

Amy furrowed her brow, suddenly feeling the need to take a huge bite of her chocolate cupcake.

"Now you're making me worried" she mumbled hesitantly, wondering what kind of top secret governmental hard drive Sheldon had hacked into this time. Although she couldn't think of anything _lethal_ one could construct with pink wrapping string and multi-colored beads, she was very sure her boyfriend could.

"Ah, women. You've talked to my mother, haven't you? I try to buy yellow-cake uranium _once_ and-"

"No, no, no, no, no. I'm not worried, okay? I take it back. Just tell me what we're doing or I swear I'm putting the rest of the cupcakes in the fridge" Amy threatened, effectively shutting him up long enough for him to cool off a bit.

"Alright" he said after Amy once again reassured him she was completely calm, "I think it's time for us to set things straight once and for all. I've done some extensive research, forcing myself to sit through one of the most _awful_ movies I've ever seen in my entire life… But it spoke to me Amy. It told me the truth. I should have done this a long, long time ago."

"…What?" Amy exhaled weakly, her voice barely above a whisper. Sheldon stared at her. She stared back.

"We…" he rumbled ominously, "are making a Burn Book."

He slammed down a heavy white booklet at the last syllable, almost tipping over Amy's coffee cup in the process. Amy's hand shot to her heart, the softest of gasps escaping her lips.

"Sheldon, watch it" she cried out, picking up the coffee cup to check for spills.

"What say you Amy? Please don't tell me I watched 'Mean Girls' for nothing. Isn't it a wonderful idea?" Sheldon enthused, eagerly awaiting her reaction.

"I would say it is but I have absolutely no idea what a Burn Book is" Amy confessed, yanking out a tissue from the box to wipe her mug and the coffee table.

"But I… I thought you'd… Alright fine, I'll explain it to you. From what I gathered from the movie it's about back talking people you dislike and those who have done you wrong. Imagine all those bullies in school Amy, all those people… So each one of these people gets a chapter of their own with their picture and information about them that could be used to their disadvantage, reasons why we dislike them etc… And we decorate the whole thing and gather around it weekly to remind ourselves of why we hate these people so much. _Now_ you must tell me it's a wonderful idea!" Sheldon explained, biting his lip excitedly as he once again gazed at Amy with those hopeful baby blues.

"I…." Amy stuttered, not sure what to think of this. "We said we'd let it go Sheldon. I don't really understand the point of all this."

"But Amy, think about it! Think about Tina Robertson and the Kleenex, and your cousin who took you to the prom but wouldn't dance with you… Don't they deserve to be Burned?" Sheldon insisted, clasping the booklet to his chest. "It would be just between us… The Band of Brainiacs" he coaxed gently, tilting his head to the side because he knew she thought it made him look sweet and innocent.

"They _do_ deserve it" Amy rumbled, her eyes suddenly turning black. Oh those mean, mean girls, and that awful cousin of hers, and all the kids on her block who wouldn't let her play with them.

"Alright" she agreed, "let's do it. I'll go get my year books."

"I can't tell you how happy you've just made me!" Sheldon rejoiced, uncapping one of the scented markers to begin work on the initial design as Amy went to her bedroom to get the catalogues from her closet.

"I suggest you start by scanning the pictures you would like to use first so you don't have to ruin the originals" Sheldon told Amy as she returned carrying three heavy books and one picture catalogue.

"It's alright" Amy said as she dumped the items on the coffee table, "there's no point in saving these anyway. I'll just cut out the original pictures."

Sheldon shrugged, handing over a pair of scissors and a sheet of cellophane, motioning for her to cut out whatever shapes she wanted to use for decoration.

They worked in silence for a while, gluing and painting and cutting, Amy folding pink cellophane into roses ("That's some wonderful origami Amy! Too bad to waste it on all these morons") and Sheldon spilling glitter all over the front cover. "That's alright" Amy said, "We'll just call it _patina_. _"_

Eventually they were finished, and time came to choose which unfortunate souls were to be included in this juvenile _Malleus Maleficarum,_ both of them agreeing they would only insert information about the very worst of their enemies as it would take far too long to include all of them.

"Billy Sparks" Sheldon growled as he glued the picture of a fair-haired man to the first page. It appeared to have been printed out from a Facebook account. "Stealer of homework and prober of bodily orifices. My research tells me you cheat on your wife and have three illegitimate children. I desperately hope you get caught." He wrote furiously while he spoke, ending the quote by pressing the pen so hard against the paper it almost penetrated it.

"Your turn" he told Amy, handing the pen over to her.

"Oh hum, alright… Uh… Tina Robertson. I have breasts now. How's that you skank? I saw your picture in the family pages last year and I _know_ there's no way those knockers are real. I hope they burst in your sleep."

They both giggled like children, decorating the chapters with kissy lips and cut-out pictures from a magazine Amy had brought with her from her bedroom.

"Andrea Wilkinson. Leslie Winkle. My stupid older brother. _Barry Kripke_ " Sheldon snarled, inserting pictures and information with each name. "Barry. Dear colleague. My beloved arch-nemesis. You keep me up at night with your superior math and your ulterior motives. May your efforts never be rewarded and may your future progeny inherit your speech impediment but not your intellect." He felt his hand tremble as he smoothened the edges of the black and white photograph, the resentment boiling in his chest. He handed the booklet over to Amy, who was breathing heavily.

"Dad", she croaked, "if you only knew how many times I've asked mom to tell me your name. Maybe she doesn't remember and just doesn't want to admit it… But apparently I have your eyes. I hope you have a wife and children somewhere and that no one else has ever had to feel the way I have because of you." She let out a few shaky breaths as she spoke, swallowing hard as she finished composing her entry.

There was no picture. Just Amy's neat handwriting and a few glossy silver hearts and stars that Sheldon glued onto the page as he tried to come up with something to say.

"This isn't funny anymore" Amy mumbled and slammed the book shut, very nearly squashing Sheldon's fingers as she did so.

"Ah! Amy!" he hissed, pulling his hand to him protectively. She didn't seem to notice though, and for a second Sheldon feared he had somehow upset her. He just couldn't bear to see her sad – especially if he was the reason she was crying. But she wasn't crying now, and somehow that made him feel even worse – how would he make it better if he didn't know what was wrong or how she felt?

Eventually she spoke, but her words only served to confuse him even more.

"Come" she said, grabbing his hand and the pink frilly Burn Book.

"Wha-…Amy, where are we going?" Sheldon yelped as she yanked him out of his seat, pulling him towards the hallway. "Stay here" she ordered once they reached the front door, leaving him with his befuddlement and the booklet which now was starting to look quite silly. Pink cellophane? What had he been thinking?

He angled his upper body to the left, spotting his girlfriend as she rummaged through her desk drawers. At last she appeared to have found what she was looking for, slamming the drawer shut and stomping her way back to Sheldon whose eyes were wide with fear and confusion.

"Let's go" Amy declared, once again grabbing her boyfriend's hand, dragging him behind her as she made her way out of the door and through the corridor to the elevator.

"Amy, while research _does_ indicate that people make their most rational decisions when upset or angry, I'm not sure it's such a good idea for you to act in haste" Sheldon stammered as they went down the building towards the ground floor. Boy, was this space cramped. He'd never liked elevators (well, that wasn't entirely true. He liked the _technology_ behind the elevator. As long as he didn't have to get inside one), and Amy's uncharacteristic demeanor made him nervous. Very, very nervous.

Suddenly he felt her arm around his waist, and he looked down only to find her glimmering green eyes gazing back at him.

"Trust me" she whispered, reaching up to softly kiss the tip of his nose. She pinched it lovingly before grabbing his hand again as the elevator announced their arrival at the ground floor with a high pitched "ping!", leading her still somewhat dubious boyfriend out on the patio in front of the building.

"Go and see if you can find some dry twigs and sticks" Amy instructed, pointing at some sad-looking shrubs that had been planted along the concrete wall to remind the residents never to hope for better. Sheldon opened and closed his mouth a few times as if trying to tell her something, but no sound escaped his lips. Amy sighed, realizing it had been a stupid thing to ask.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked you to dig around in the dirt. I'll get it" she soothed him, getting down on her knees in front of the shrubs to search for dead wood and leaves.

"Amy, we're gonna get arrested for this" Sheldon let out shakily as she began arranging the twigs on the ground in a neat pile, realizing what it was that she was making. He wrapped his arms around his body, looking around as if afraid someone was watching. Dear lord, this was it. He'd be sent to prison for sure.

"Relax Sheldon, I'll tell them it was my idea" Amy assured him, picking out a box of matches and some rugged shreds of an old newspaper from her back pocket, lighting a match and setting the paper on fire before tossing it onto the pile of twigs. Soon her little bonfire was crackling and coughing out little puffs of smoke, and the primeval smell of burning wood tickled Sheldon's nostrils.

"Give me the book" Amy demanded, and he dared not defy her, handing it over as were he afraid it would somehow spontaneously combust.

"Billy Sparks" Amy mumbled as she opened the book to look at the first page. "He beat you up every day on your way to school, didn't he?"

"Before school, in school, after school" Sheldon whispered, his arms still firmly wrapped around his lanky frame.

"Well, screw him" Amy barked, ripping out the page and scrunching it into a ball before tossing it into the fire.

"Amy!" Sheldon gasped, both his hands shooting to his mouth.

"Leslie Winkle" Amy continued, ignoring his whimpering and stammering pleas, "she enjoys belittling your work, doesn't she? She touches your whiteboard and insults you in front of your boss."

"She calls me names in front of everybody" Sheldon whispered through his hand, cringing as she ripped out yet another page from the book.

"Screw her too!" his girlfriend exclaimed, banishing the little lump to the flames.

She tore out page after page, fueling the fire and exiling enemy after enemy to her improvised pyre.

"Barry Kripke…" she said at last, looking up at Sheldon who didn't know if he should run away or start crying, "and… and my father." She bent her head to stare at the book, which was now significantly thinner.

"Screw them. Screw them all!" she snarled, tossing the entire booklet into the fire, sending sparks and ashes in all directions.

"Amy, my pant leg" Sheldon howled, frantically shaking his foot as a tiny glowing ember almost set his khakis on fire. "What are you… what's gotten into you?" he cried out, watching his girlfriend who really did seem to have been possessed by some sort of alien entity.

"All these people… All these people, haunting us, diminishing us… for what? Because we're not like them? Because we somehow by just existing managed to upset them so much that they felt the need to beat us, and tease us, and tell us nobody was ever going to want us? How can we stand here in our mid 30's and still allow them to dictate how we should lead our lives? They can all go to hell! We have each other now! Didn't you say so?" Amy proclaimed, the last syllable sounding more like a sobbing plea.

He thought of what was in his top drawer. He thought of the pink telephone. He thought of how he never wanted her to leave.

"Yes… Yes we have each other now" he exhaled, slowly letting his arms fall to his sides.

She stared at him for a second, the tiny bonfire burning on the ground behind her, her breaths coming out in strained whiffs. Suddenly she took three quick steps into his personal space, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him down in a searing kiss. He could feel her teeth clunking into his as he opened his mouth to let her in, his hands finding her waist and her fingers digging into his flesh. It hurt and yet it didn't, just like so many things about her.

Her breasts pressed into his chest and her lips sought out his hungrily, desperately, not at all like when they'd been kissing in his room. Her tongue probed his mouth almost forcefully and yet he responded, as if he couldn't get enough, and the sound of her sobs turned into moans of pleasure.

There it was below the small of her back: the line of her skirt, and he wanted to reach lower, lower still, but something held him back, and a wave of frustration hit him. How could he want something so badly when he was so terribly afraid of it?

Suddenly she pulled back, appearing almost shocked at the boldness of her own move.

Sheldon looked at her, at her blushing cheeks, at the swell of her breasts, at her glasses that were slightly askew, and just as he was about to ask her to spend the rest of her life with him he realized he hadn't brought the ring. It just couldn't be true. An IQ of 187 and he'd forgotten to bring the blasted ring. What he wouldn't give to be struck by lightning in that instant!

"Let's put this out and go back inside" Amy said at last, cutting him off in his self-deprecation. "I'm really tired."

They had to get water from the laundry room in order to extinguish the surprisingly persistent little bonfire but at last they stumbled in through the front door to Amy's apartment, both feeling emotionally drained. Sheldon was deeply submerged in thought, feeling slightly robbed of what would have been the perfect opportunity to propose. Now he didn't know how he would work up the courage to ask a second time. Not that he'd actually asked but he'd been _prepared_ to. And now he was back at square one.

After having finished their respective nightly ablutions the time came to bid each other goodnight. Amy was busy searching through her closet for clean bedsheets and a pillow for Sheldon, and failed to notice he was standing in the doorway watching her.

"You don't have to do that" the lanky man let out softly, startling her as he did so.

"Don't be silly Sheldon, you'll get a crick in your neck if you sleep on the couch without a pillow" Amy lectured gently, cocking her head to the side in confusion as he slowly approached her.

"No, I mean…" he began, struggling to find the words, "I mean I could… I could sleep here. You know, with… with you."

He gazed at her hopefully, praying that the look on her face was that of pleasant surprise and not the other kind.

"In… in my bed? With me?" Amy asked, hardly believing this was happening.

"If you want" Sheldon exhaled, shyly clasping her hand in his.

"More than anything" she whispered, squeezing his hand gently, quietly following him as he led her to the bed.

* * *

I thank you all for reading and reviewing, and will get back to all of you personally. To those of you reviewing as guests: thank you.

The books and songs mentioned in this story so far:

Time after Time by Cyndi Lauper

Heroes by David Bowie

Les dernieres seront les premieres by Jean-Jacques Goldman (as performed by Céline Dion)

Beautiful People by Simon Doonan

and

The Fry Chronicles by Stephen Fry


	5. Chapter 5

"How good it was to love someone so much that there was no need to fear even the most difficult thing…"

Ronia the Robber's Daughter

* * *

There was nothing, absolutely _nothing_ romantic about sharing a bed with Amy Farrah Fowler.

As Sheldon had previously been made painfully aware of she snored, loudly at that. Several times during the night he'd actually had to shake her roughly in order to get her to turn over on her side, which had temporarily taken care of the problem. But every time he'd found himself drifting off she'd flipped back over (smacking him in the face in the process!) and resumed sawing logs, and at 3.13 a.m. he'd been so desperate for a few precious hours of sleep that he'd gotten out of bed to go watch TV for a while. After having napped on the couch ("napping" was hardly the appropriate term to describe what he'd done. "Passing out" seemed more fitting) until approximately 6.30 a.m. he'd decided it was probably in his best interest to return to bed before Amy woke up and noticed he wasn't in it.

And so Sheldon found himself lying next to what could best be described as a giant caterpillar, - or possibly the biggest burrito in the United States – tugging desperately at the rugged corner of the floral bed cover in the childish hope that the 4,1x4,1 inch square would somehow cover his 6 foot 3 inch frame.

"Quit hogging the blankets Amy" he grumbled, eliciting something that sounded like "am-nam-yam" from his girlfriend, who rolled over to burrow her head into his chest before falling back asleep.

Sheldon looked down at her, not quite sure what to do. His arms were wide open and his hands turned away from her, as if he didn't know whether to embrace her or slowly inch away from her.

"Uhhh" he groaned, snorting as her hair tickled his nose. Well this was certainly a precarious situation. Not that he could pinpoint _why:_ her tongue had been in his mouth on two separate occasions which was nearly universally regarded as a much more intimate move than a little chaste cuddling in bed, but the fact that he knew she wasn't wearing a bra (and possibly not panties) was enough to send his sweat glands into overdrive, despite the fact that his brunette bedmate still had dibs on all the covers.

His hands were still placed safely on the pillow as Amy began stirring, her dark lashes fluttering as she mewed softly into his chest. Suddenly she opened her eyes, her green irises appearing somewhat clouded at first as they adapted to the light. She looked around, noticing his exposed pajama-clad frame and the covers that were tightly wrapped around her body.

"Oh you poor thing, did I steal all the blankets?" she mumbled sweetly, untangling herself from the covers before he had the chance to protest, tucking them both in underneath the floral blanket before curling up against her wide-eyed boyfriend once more. The wide-eyed boyfriend in question could do nothing but stare at this mysterious creature who'd kept him awake all night with her masculine snores and blanket-stealing ways. His feet were still icy cold as he slowly pulled them towards the center of the bed, marveling at the warmth that emanated from her tiny body. He lay very still for a while, bargaining with himself before finally giving in and slipping his arms beneath the covers to pull her tightly to him.

"It's… it's alright" he heard himself say, "I… I don't like it too hot anyway." _Yes you do?_

"That's good… but wake me up next time" she giggled. _Next time?_ "Did you sleep alright?" she asked then, lazily tracing his jawline with the tip of her index finger.

"I did, I did" he nodded. _No you absolutely did not Doctor Cooper._

"I did too" Amy yawned happily, shifting position to bury her nose in the crook of his neck. "I think I could live here. You smell so good" she whispered, the low timbre of her voice sending shivers down his spine.

Sheldon didn't know what to say. He wanted to tell her that it was impossible for a human being to inhabit the tiny patch of skin between the neck and the shoulder, unless someone had invented a shrinking gun but that was highly unlikely, but something within him told him that it was not what Amy had meant.

He looked down at her once again, feeling her chest and stomach heave with every breath she took. He found himself thinking it was strange how she, like the majority of all women, preferred to keep her hair long. It seemed terribly impractical. He twirled a dark strand around his finger to see just how long it was, eliciting a giggle from Amy. "That tickles" she mumbled, inching even closer to him.

Well, this was also strange. He'd subconsciously thought of her breasts as hard, as she'd always been fully dressed when they embraced, but even through both of their pajama-tops he could feel that he'd been wrong all this time. What was even more befuddling was the excitement he felt as he discovered they were soft. He had a sudden urge to slip his hand under her shirt to cup one of them but at the last second he decided against it, which sent a jolt of frustration through him. Ah, she was nothing but trouble this woman! He couldn't for the life of him figure out why this waking-up-in-each-other's-arms-business was so romanticized – Amy was a terrible, terrible bedmate. A snoring cover hog with hair that insisted on tickling his lips and nose and a pelvis that was uncomfortably close to his and dry feet that scraped against the bedsheets.

"Amy" Sheldon mumbled against the top of her head.

"Mhm?" Amy hummed, gently moving her hand in figure eights over his shoulder.

"I love you" he whispered, tightening his grip around her and closing his eyes as he felt her do the same. She nuzzled the sensitive spot behind his ear before breaking away from him and placing one elbow on each side of his body, smiling as she hovered over him.

"bangwI' SoH" she whispered back, giggling uncontrollably as his eyebrows shot up to his hairline. She bent over to press a soft closed-mouthed kiss against his lips before turning over to pick up her glasses from the bedside table.

"I'm hungry" she said as she climbed out of bed, "what do you say we make waffles for breakfast?"

 _But today is French toast with syrup-day?_

"Great" Sheldon croaked as he gingerly sat up, scratching the stubble on his chin as he watched his girlfriend pad out of the bedroom. What had just happened? He hadn't meant for any of those things to come out of his mouth and yet they had.

He stuck out his tongue and squeezed it between his thumb and index finger, trying to feel if there was some anomaly he hadn't noticed while brushing his teeth the other night. But aside from a little bump on the left side where he'd accidentally bit himself during dinner everything appeared to be normal. He'd have to do a biopsy in order to be sure but since his last two encounters with needles hadn't exactly warmed him up to having his body probed with pointy objects he decided that good old-fashioned palpation would have to do.

The lanky man rubbed his temple, feeling slightly dizzy from lack of sleep, and something else, something that swirled around in that big brain of his and tickled and teased his synapses. It spread throughout his body like white hot liquid, down to the tip of his fingers and the soles of his feet.

 _You are my love._ Whispered in hushed delight in an alien language he knew she didn't speak nor care for.

The odd tingle was joined by a shortness of breath that almost catalyzed a panic attack, and Sheldon rubbed his sternum in an attempt to externally stimulate his lungs and respiratory passages, knowing it was more for comfort than for actual effect. He looked down at his hand where it now rested against his flat, hard chest, recalling how Amy's delightfully soft bosom had pressed against it only minutes earlier.

How easy it would have been - _should_ have been – to further explore, to finally find out what it would feel like to let his fingertips roam her pale skin, to let his lips follow in his hands' trail, to button down that shirt that shielded her from his view. She'd let him, he knew she'd let him, and her voice would be deep and husky and her eyes would be glazed over and he'd taste her, pull in her scent, and give in – oh how he'd give in!

He closed his eyes, trying to steady his breathing. Maybe she'd mimick his moves, and unbutton his shirt and rake her fingers through the dark curls on his chest, maybe she'd run her nails from his clavicle down to his belly-button… She might tease him, tug at the waistline of his pajama-bottoms, and her mouth might be upon him, soothing the stinging tracks where her fingernails had been. She could be bold, her soft bosom might tickle his ribs, his stomach, the inside of his thighs… oh, how dare she, how dare her lips and tongue, didn't they know that they shouldn't… they shouldn't…

"Sheldon! Breakfast is ready!" Amy called out, startling him as the images left him just as quickly as they'd arrived.

He gulped as he desperately fought to control his respiratory rate, silently begging she wouldn't come to get him. He didn't need to look to know, and he wasn't ready yet, couldn't have her see the state he was in, not just yet...

"I…" Sheldon gasped, clearing his throat to steady his voice, "I just… I need to void my bladder."

He shot out of bed and ran to the bathroom, cursing the fact that he never did join the university track running team despite the fact that the coach had given him a particularly appreciative smack on the bottom back in '97 when his mentor had insisted that he "needed to get out of that damn library and _exercise_ for Christ's sake". Surely the coach had been admiring his athletic build that was perfect for running.

Either way he would have been proud to know Sheldon had just broken the university short-distance running record. Which really serves to prove that there indeed is no faster man than a man in dire need of… voiding his bladder.

Once breakfast was over (he'd refused to admit it but Amy's waffles were _so much better_ than Leonard's soggy French Toast) and his bags were packed and Amy had kissed him goodbye (he'd blushed furiously as the images and feelings from earlier returned to him, almost tripping over his own feet as he excused himself and stumbled out of the apartment, leaving a rather baffled Amy alone in the hallway) he had time to mull over other pressing needs. Like that of advice. And some sort of idea on how to present the golden diamond ring to his girlfriend in a manner that would make her susceptible to the suggestion of spending the rest of her life with him and carry his superior progeny in her equally superior womb, and possibly (at around year 2048 or so) get a nice little bomb shelter somewhere where they could watch the impending robot uprising safely from a distance.

Nothing came to him on the bus ride home, nor during the evening that followed. Sunday came and went, as did Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday Night, a.k.a. Date Night – during which he had almost managed to get himself kicked out of his own apartment after commenting that Amy's constant babbling about her work and that temp who had stolen her lunchbox from the common fridge gave him a headache – and still he was no closer to being engaged than he had been before he'd gotten the ring.

"I'm a GENIUS!" he roared out through the open window in his office on Friday afternoon, scaring off an entire family of sparrows who had just moved into the tree right outside the building despite having been warned about the crazy human next door by the gay bluejay couple who had previously inhabited the (otherwise fabulously constructed and decorated) nest. "How is it that one infernal woman is more complicated than quantum physics, Jesus Christ I can't believe this… I was a child prodigy…" he sobbed desperately, feeling like throwing himself down on the floor and kick and scream out of sheer frustration. Was perfection so much to ask for? He really didn't think it was. But apparently the Universe had other ideas and wasn't about to lend him a hand on this one.

To make matters worse Amy had asked he ride home with Leonard as she had "business to attend to before Sleepover Night", and as much as he cared for the dark-haired experimental physicist he wanted nothing more than for him to stop pestering him with questions about the proposal – as if he wasn't aware that Leonard had "already done this" and that "at least there's no risk you do it during sex." Of course he wouldn't propose to Amy during SEX. If this was the rate they were going at they may very well never have SEX, and therefore no babies, no bomb shelter, no nothing.

"How can I have nothing?" Sheldon muttered to himself as he stirred the béchamel for the lasagna he was making for dinner, "I always have _something._ Ack, to think that it wasn't the Romulans or the Empire or _Barry Kripke_ that would be held accountable for my demise… Sheldon Cooper, brought down by _biologist._ "

He could only sigh as Leonard called out a nasal "goodbye" as he left the apartment for Penny's, slowly stirring the white, cheesy sauce while staring into the vortex created by his movements. Physics. Physics was in everything. Somehow this thought comforted him as he arranged the pasta and the meat sauce in layers, covering them with béchamel before sprinkling grated cheese on top and popping the lasagna in the oven. Perhaps he should take her out to dinner next week for their 5th anniversary and just order in champagne and get down on one knee like everybody else and have it be over with, and then maybe finally he could get some sleep again. He'd have to tell Amy he didn't want them to live together until after the wedding – Leonard had informed him that it was probably for the best to have her say "I do" and sign all the papers before he proceeded to explain the lifetime supply of earplugs he'd ordered on Amazon.

Just as he'd covered the lasagna with tin foil to keep it from burning someone knocked on the door. Knowing it was probably Amy he took off his apron and hung it on the hook next to the refrigerator before making his way across the living room floor to let her in.

As he opened the door to greet his girlfriend his jaw dropped to the ground. There she was, in her floral blouse and grey jumper dress, balancing a wide-eyed toddler on her hip. Her overnight bag hung from her left shoulder and something he, after having visited his sister in Texas, knew was a diaper bag hung from her right.

"What…is… _that_?" Sheldon stammered, pointing a shaky finger at the drooling child.

"It's a baby Sheldon, you know… a human in the early stages of development. Please take her will you, these bags weigh a ton" Amy told him, handing over the toddler before he had the chance to scream "in the name of Einstein I repel you, Demon" and throw a book on Quantum Physics at her.

"Amy, I…" he gasped as he followed her into the apartment, "I'm not… I mean, are you sure this is the right way for us to… I… you _stole_ a baby?"

Up until then he had held the child as far away from his body as possible but as the lactic acid began gathering in his arms he could do nothing but pull her to him and support her weight on his hip.

Amy, who had just relieved herself of her cargo, snapped to attention at his accusation.

"Of course I didn't _steal_ her Sheldon, that's preposterous! She's my co-worker's daughter, I agreed we'd babysit her tonight while she and her husband are at the movies."

"Why on Earth would you agree to such a thing?" Sheldon asked, his eyes wide in fear. He turned to regard the child, who was busy sticking her finger up one of her snotty nostrils. He didn't know much about children, other than that they produced an insane amount of waste in proportion to their size, but as far as he could tell this girl looked to be around 18 months of age. Her hair was dark and curly, and her skin a deep caramel brown, and her eyes were big and black as they stared back at him. She donned a red, long-sleeved Minnie Mouse-print shirt with matching red leggings, and someone (presumably her mother) had tied her hair up in a ponytail with a red bowtie.

"Because it's my turn to decide what we're doing for Sleepover Night" Amy replied as she approached him, giggling sweetly as she tickled the child under her chin.

"I said _childlike_ activities Amy, not activities involving actual children" Sheldon groaned as the laughing child hid her face against his shoulder, trying not to gag as he thought of all the sticky fluids that were coming out of her mouth and nose, and possibly her ears and (gasp!)… other places.

"You don't even know what we're going to do" Amy cooed, as if she were talking to the child and not him. She kept tickling the girl and he rolled his eyes, cursing all those hormones that were surely swimming around in his girlfriend and giving her all kinds of silly ideas.

"Then would you be so kind and inform me of what it is you have planned? And take it away from me, please. It's _leaking._ "

"She's not an _it_ Sheldon, she's a girl. Her name's Kylie."

"Oh, you've _got_ to be… Fine. Would you be so kind and take… Kylie… so I can go and change my shirt. Please?" Sheldon pressed out through gritted teeth, feeling his fingers tingle. Hand sanitizer. Hand sanitizer now.

Amy shook her head and sighed as she accepted the surprisingly quiet and agreeable child when Sheldon handed her over, barely resisting the urge to laugh as he visibly shuddered and stuck his tongue out in disgust.

One very long, very hot, and very anti-bacterial scrub later, Sheldon emerged from the bathroom feeling not quite like himself, but at least he'd managed to silence the booming voice in his head that screamed "YOU'RE GOING TO DIE", all while laughing diabolically. He adjusted the collar on his shirt, enjoying the soothing scent of laundry soap and fabric softener, and made his way into the kitchen where Amy had just finished setting the table.

"You know, it wouldn't kill you not to leave me to deal with dinner and a baby when _I'm_ the guest here" Amy gently lectured as he sat down in his usual seat and began helping himself to the green salad Amy had apparently managed to whip up while balancing…Kylie… on her hip.

"I'll take full responsibility for leaving you with the lasagna but the baby was your idea, not mine. Why is she here anyway?" Sheldon muttered in response, silently nodding 'thanks' as Amy poured him a glass of milk.

He watched her as she sat down with the child in her lap, one of her arms secured around her waist as she cut up a piece of lasagna with the other. He found himself wondering how it came so easily to her.

"Would you please help me with the salad, I've only got one hand… thanks… Well, I must confess I've had a lot on my plate this week with the new study we're doing and my mentoring duties and that darn temp who won't keep his hands off my lunch boxes… I haven't had the time to prepare an activity for us. And then I overheard my co-worker saying she and her husband hadn't been out on a date since the baby was born and I offered to take care of her for the evening so they could go out and enjoy a little quality time."

"You _volunteered_ for this? And may I remind you there's an appendix in the Sleepover Night contract with a list of appropriate activities and I don't recall baby-sitting being one of them…" Sheldon whined, grimacing as he saw Amy feeding the baby a bite of lasagna only to use the same fork to feed herself.

"This is _really_ good, you really should cook more often. And that list was only of activities _you_ felt you've missed out on" Amy replied, shifting the baby's weight over to her left knee as she felt the right one begin to tingle. "Yes, I volunteered for this but it wasn't just to be nice to my co-worker. I wanted to take care of Kylie."

Sheldon cocked his head to the side, trying to understand if there was some hidden agenda to this.

"Why?" he let out, feeling his stomach clench.

Amy ran her hand through the child's dark curls, smiling as the girl held up the fork to her to offer her a stringy piece of pasta and cheese. "Are you the mommy now? Am I the baby?" she cooed, opening her mouth to let the girl feed her. "Yum yum" she smacked happily, eliciting a giggle from the toddler. Sheldon watched them, unable to decipher the emotions that were swirling around in his body. The scene was sickeningly sweet, and he wanted to turn away from it. And at the same time he couldn't take his eyes off the odd pair.

"I never had any siblings growing up" Amy replied, still looking at the child. "I had lots of aunts and uncles, and cousins of course… But no one ever asked me to watch them, and I didn't have any friends either so I was always left to play on my own. And I always wanted to… you know like in the movies when the teenaged girl babysits her siblings and her boyfriend comes over and they watch TV and cuddle? I didn't get to do that and I think… I think it would be fun if we did."

"You… You want us to… watch TV and cuddle? While she does… what?" Sheldon stammered, glancing at the child who had just finished smearing tomato sauce all over her face.

"I don't know, kiddie stuff I guess? There are toys in the overnight bag, she could play with them. Besides, her parents are coming back from the movies at 9 so it will only be for a couple of hours, don't worry" Amy teased, reaching over the table to get one of the wet wipes she'd put there as a precaution, proceeding to clean the girl who protested firmly. "No, no, no" she said, moving her face away from the soapy tissue, waving her hands defensively and smacking Amy on the chin.

"Ouw!" Amy cried out, tightening her grip on the squirmy toddler as she tried to keep her face away from the baby's surprisingly sharp fingernails.

"See Amy" Sheldon pointed out, "It's always fun until someone gets hurt."

"Not…helping…" Amy pressed out as she finally managed to get the girl to sit somewhat still, forcefully cleaning the rest of the baby's face (which was still tomato red but now from frustration rather than pasta sauce). The petite brunette huffed and puffed from the exercise, wiping her own forehead to keep droplets of sweat from trickling into her eyes.

"Could you please clear the table Sheldon?" Amy asked, raising her voice as the child begun crying loudly, "I think I have to try to put her down for a nap."

Sheldon cringed as the wailing sound hit his ears, glad to have an excuse not to deal with the girl, who was now but a shadow of her formerly so cooperative self. He watched Amy out of the corner of his eye as she carried the screaming toddler to the couch, turning to look at the table where Amy had lit candles and folded napkins. She always did that. He hadn't really thought of it before but now he recalled her doing it every time they had dinner together in either of their homes. He begun clearing off the dishes, blocking out the sound of Amy shushing and…Kylie… screaming as he proceeded to wash them.

"The road goes ever on and on" he hummed as he scrubbed one of the plates and put it away to dry, "down from the door where it began, now far ahead the road has gone, and I must follow, if I can."

He had almost finished doing the dishes when he felt someone put their hand on his hip. Having managed to almost reach a state of trance he yelped and turned around, the dish-brush raised as a weapon.

"Shh!" Amy shushed, taking the brush away from him. "She just fell asleep."

"Oh thank the Lord" Sheldon twanged, clasping his hand over his heart. "So she's quiet now?"

"People are usually quiet when they're asleep Sheldon" Amy giggled, motioning with her head for him to follow her to the couch.

"Really? I haven't noticed" Sheldon muttered under his breath, earning him a confused look from his girlfriend. He cleared his throat, remembering what Leonard had told him about "keeping his cool" about this whole snoring deal until after Amy was legally his, and just mouthed "nothing" at Amy, who still didn't look convinced.

They sat down in their respective seats, the child sleeping (quietly) at the far end. Amy had tucked her in under the afghan that Sheldon had brought with him from his childhood home in Texas, wrapping her up into a bundle from which a tuft of curly hair peeked out.

"She's sweet, isn't she?" Amy mumbled, tilting her head to the side as she regarded the girl lovingly.

"Research indicates baby tyrannosauruses were 'cute'. That doesn't mean they didn't grow up into mean, green fighting machines" Sheldon huffed, reaching for the remote control to browse through his Netflix library for some Star Trek TNG.

"Well, I guess that must mean you were cute as a child too Dr. Cooper" Amy exhaled, letting the tip of her index finger gently trace the outside of his upper arm. He gulped as he felt shots of… something… blaze through his body, and he turned to his girlfriend whose cheeky grin ran from ear to ear.

"What are you doing?" Sheldon mumbled, suddenly feeling nervous.

"We're baby-sitting. You're my boyfriend. We're supposed to cuddle now" Amy answered, inching closer to him with a hopeful look on her face.

"Ah, isn't it enough that you brought…Kylie… over?" Sheldon growled as he put his arm around his girlfriend to pull her closer. "How am I supposed to get in in the mood when she's here on the couch with us?"

"In the mood? Since when do you have a 'mood'?" Amy asked earnestly as she settled in against his shoulder.

"I don't. But presuming I did, I wouldn't be in it" Sheldon coughed, thinking that was a close call.

"Humm" Amy replied, patting his hand gently.

Well, this wasn't at all that bad. Occasionally the child stirred but she never woke up, the TNG-episode was one of his favorites, and Amy was warm and soft against him. He could feel her head drooping against his shoulder, and he knew she must be dozing off. He'd learned over the years that she often fell asleep while watching TV, especially on Fridays when she was tired after a long week at work. It had been a long week for him too. Perhaps he could afford to just let his chin rest against the top of her head… and maybe his eyelids didn't need to be quite this open… he could just rest for a while… just…a…

"Mommy?" a tiny voice said from a distance, startling Sheldon who had almost fallen asleep.

The lanky man lifted his head, only to stare into a pair of big, black eyes. The toddler was sitting up, her bowtie slightly askew and her gaze glazed over from sleep. She rubbed her eyes and blinked a few times, as if she couldn't remember where she was. "Wet" she said, looking at Sheldon firmly, as if ordering him to take care of something. He kept staring at her, suddenly scrunching his nose as a pungent smell hit him. "Oh no" he mumbled, having feared this would happen. "Wet" the girl repeated, louder this time.

"Amy?" Sheldon whispered, shaking his girlfriend to wake her from her sleep. "What?" Amy mumbled, her voice laced with exhaustion.

"You have to take care of it" Sheldon stated, his eyes wide in terror.

"I have to take care of what?" Amy asked angrily, not liking the way he ordered her around. All of a sudden she cringed as she too was hit by the powerful odor, rubbing her nose as if that would somehow help. "Oh…" she let out flatly, gulping a little as she turned around to look at the child who was now beginning to grow agitated.

"I've never… I mean… I haven't changed a diaper before" Amy stuttered, instantly regretting having agreed to baby-sit. She'd thought she'd be fine with it but now that the baby was demanding she handle its waste she felt just as terrified as Sheldon looked. Why on Earth had she told her co-worker she was "good with kids"?

"You haven't _what?_ " Sheldon howled as he shot up from the couch, angrily pacing back and forth. "You bring this… this… _Kylie_ into my home and you don't even know how to change a diaper? What are we going to do now?"

"We'll have to figure it out" Amy said, not feeling at all as confident as she sounded.

"Oh Dear Lord" Sheldon complained, clutching his hands over his ears. "This is a nightmare."

"It's not that bad Sheldon" Amy insisted, trying not to look as bothered by the smell as she felt. "I _know_ you're wet sweetie, we're gonna help you" she reassured the child who had now begun crying again.

Sheldon rubbed his temples, desperately trying to cancel out the noise so he could think. No, he couldn't, he absolutely couldn't. He'd almost passed out last time. But the smell and the noise and Amy running around like a beheaded chicken…

"You get her to stop crying. I need to suit up" Sheldon declared, leaving a very confused Amy to try to console the child as he made his way over to the kitchen. Apron, gloves, clothes-pin, air-freshener. Perhaps he should get a shower cap from the bathroom? But from the look of it Amy was already in dire need of assistance and nobody would say that Sheldon Cooper wasn't man…or something… enough to respond to the call of a damsel in distress.

"Get the diaper bag and see if you can find a blanket or something" he ordered, removing the clothes-pin as it hurt too much to keep it on.

"Okay" Amy nodded, rushing up to get the bag, rummaging through it desperately as she too tried to ignore the child's howling cries. "Found one" she called out triumphantly, holding up a blue-and-white elephant print blanket as were it a trophy.

"Good. Put it on the floor and lay her down on her back" Sheldon instructed, slowly approaching the pair, pinching his nose with his thumb and index finger.

Amy did as she was told, looking as if she were about to throw up. "The smell" she groaned, turning her face away from baby Kylie, who was beginning to calm down as she sensed the familiarity of the situation.

"I know, I know. Relax, I'm coming in" Sheldon exhaled, getting down on his knees next to Amy and motioning for her to hand over the diaper bag.

"I didn't think it would be this bad" Amy whimpered apologetically, looking at Sheldon who was busy picking out baby wipes, a clean diaper, and talc from the bag.

"It's about to get much, much worse. There's a plastic bag in my pocket… would you pick it out please?" Sheldon asked, his face that of a man on a mission.

The two nerdy scientists were about to face their biggest challenge yet, and their disgusted Oh my God's were to ring throughout the building until Christmas of 2016. Amy could do nothing but stare in awe at Sheldon, who handled the situation like a professional.

"You've done this before, haven't you?" she said, her eyelashes fluttering gently as Sheldon finished cleaning up the baby and taking off the plastic off the diaper's adhesive straps.

"I lost that battle" Sheldon admitted, lifting the baby by her feet to pull up her red leggings over the clean diaper. "My mother and sister insisted. I can't be sure but I think they got some kind of sadistic pleasure out of watching me suffer. And there I was, having just accepted my responsibilities as an uncle, and they decide to use it against me."

The now happy toddler reached out her tiny hands to pat his cheeks, appearing fascinated that they were smooth when the pulled her hands towards her, and rough when she pulled them away. He couldn't help but smile at her, tickling her stomach and giggling as she let out a deep, hearty babylaugh.

He couldn't see the look on Amy's face but if he had, he would have known what an antelope feels like when it's about to be devoured by a lion.

"I knew it" she mumbled, her heart beating loudly in her chest.

"Knew what?" Sheldon asked, looking at her confusedly.

She stared at him for a moment, her green eyes suddenly turning dark.

"I need to go brush my teeth, be right back" she exhaled, darting off to the bathroom before he could ask her why she couldn't wait to do that until they were getting ready for bed.

"Amy!" Sheldon called out after her, forgetting about Kylie who was still lying on her back on the blanket. "Amy, you can't leave me with her, you can brush your teeth later! Please?" he pleaded with her, running after her into the corridor. He balled his hand into a fist, raising it to knock on the bathroom door.

 _Knock, knock, knock –_ "Amy!"

 _Knock, knock, knock –_ "Amy!"

 _Knock, knock, knock –_ "Amy!"

"I'll be right back Sheldon, you go watch Kylie!" Amy's muffled voice told him, and he found himself wondering why he didn't hear the water running or the sound of a toothbrush against teeth.

"But I…"

"I'll be right back Sheldon, you can do it!"

"….Fine" he relented, deciding to leave her to her business, dragging his feet behind him as he made his way back to the living room. Suddenly he came to a halt, nearly going into cardiac arrest as he spotted the dark-haired child on the floor next to his desk, about to put something small and shiny into her mouth. The ring.

"Eek!" Sheldon yelped, a thousand images of the atrocities he might have to commit in order to get it back flashing before his eyes. Faster than Superman himself he ran across the living room floor, snapping the ring from the child just as she was about to swallow it.

"Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear, oh dear" Sheldon gasped as he inspected the ring for damage, groaning out loud as the baby began wailing for what seemed like the umpteenth time that night. "Please, please be quiet" he pleaded with her but she wouldn't have any of it. Luckily it hadn't actually been inside her mouth so he didn't have to worry about contamination, but boy had it been a close call. He shuddered to think of what could have happened hadn't he been there to stop her.

He carefully put the ring back in it's black box, snapping the lid shut just as Amy returned back from the bathroom.

"Sheldon, what's going on? Why is she upset?" Amy asked, startling Sheldon who turned around before he had the sense to put the ring back in the drawer, desperately trying to hide it behind his back.

"I, uuh…" he stuttered, unable to think as the child was still wailing. "She… she was about to swallow one of my Lego bricks. She must have found it under my desk."

Fumbling behind him to try to pull out the drawer without her noticing he realized it was no use. Quickly, before she grew suspicious, he slipped the box into his back pocket.

"Oh, you poor dear" Amy said sweetly, walking up to them to scoop the child up in her arms to comfort her.

"Yes… poor dear…" Sheldon muttered sarcastically, fanning himself as he felt the sweat build up on his back and his chest. His armpits were already soaked, and his heartrate was through the roof. He wanted nothing more than for the child's parents to get back from the movies so they could hand… Kylie… over so he wouldn't have to see her ever again, and then he'd shower for an _hour_ and crash into bed and sleep. Possibly until October.

Just as he contemplated telling Amy to pack the child into the car and drive over to the movies immediately, someone knocked on the door.

"Oh, it must be Sue and her husband. Come on, I want to introduce you" Amy chirped, tugging at his arm to get him to come with her.

"But _Amy…"_ Sheldon protested, not at all in the mood for chit-chat. Not that he was ever in the mood for chit-chat.

Oh, pleasantries. How do you do's and handshaking (shudder), "what do you do for a living" and "has she been trouble?", lies and lies and lies and lies and lies, oh so many lies, "oh, you're not married", and "wait 'til you get one of your own." Gag.

"I'm officially cancelling Sleepover Night. Forever" Sheldon declared as he slammed the door behind the small family as they left. "That, or we're setting up some rules little lady. No more babies."

"I think I'm good for now too" Amy agreed, walking up to him to wrap her arms around his hips. He looked down at her, sighing out loud with relief as he too let his arms find their way around her waist.

"You were really good with her though" Amy mumbled into his chest, pulling away to gaze into his eyes. "You know, considering the fact that you had to anesthetize her with air freshener before you could change her."

"I didn't anesthetize her, I was merely trying to-"

"Ah, kiss me you irony-impaired fool" Amy exhaled, and Sheldon blinked in confusion before bending down to press his lips against hers, sighing into her mouth as she for the third time in their years together caressed his tongue with her own.

Gently he let his hands roam her back, like he always did these days, until they found the line of her skirt. Just as he'd decided to let them rest there she nibbled at his bottom lip, and as if he'd lost control of his own extremeties his hands slipped beyond their old borders, finding new territory. Oh how soft she was, so wonderfully soft, and how easy it would be to just gently squeeze. He did so, unable to keep himself from moaning as he finally let go of his fears.

She let out a delighted little squeal, her hands too slipping down beneath the small of his back to explore. Suddenly Sheldon froze as he realized what was in his back pocket, having forgotten to put the box back in the drawer.

"No, Amy" he gasped as he broke away from her but it was too late. Her hand was already confusedly patting the bulge in his back pocket, her green eyes meeting his baby blues in question.

Sheldon licked his bottom lip, closing his eyes for a second before taking a deep breath.

"Pick it out" he said, his voice barely above a whisper.

"What is it?" Amy asked as her hand slipped into his pocket to grab the box.

"You'll see" Sheldon replied simply, his eyes still closed as Amy took a step back. Slowly he opened them, only to find her staring into the now open box.

"I'm not… I'm not good with words" Sheldon stammered, not knowing what her silence meant. "I don't… I've never been. And I'm not good with grand gestures or romance or… children it seems. I don't even have anything prepared for this moment."

He reached out to take the box from her, picking the ring out and closing his right hand over her left. "I've never been in love before" he mumbled quietly as he slipped the ring onto her finger, regarding the precious stones for a second before looking up to meet her emerald green gaze, "and I know I'm not experienced in these things but what I really… I guess what I want to say is… that I'd be honored if you would… if you would marry me."

Amy closed her eyes, taking a few deep breaths before opening them, smiling as she saw the nervous expression that grazed Sheldon's boyish features.

"Don't be scared" she mumbled, "of course I'll marry you."

Finally Sheldon could let out the breath he'd been holding, sighing with relief as Amy fell into his arms.

"Did you think I'd say no?" Amy giggled into his chest, feeling her heart swell as her fiancé let out an offended snort.

"Of course I didn't. I even gave up my dream of becoming the next Iron Man to get you that ring."

"It _is_ a big rock" Amy agreed, deciding to keep the fact that she knew it was the one she'd admired that day in the rain to herself. For now.

"It is indeed. The things I've sacrificed for you Amy. Now the world will never know what greatness could have been bestowed upon it" Sheldon sighed dramatically, pulling away from her to grab her hand in his, inspecting the ring as if calculating all the saving he would have to do now in order to become the world's next super hero.

Amy contemplated this, she too regarding the golden band with its row of diamonds and huge centerpiece.

"Well… doesn't the Green Lantern have a power ring?" she asked, looking up at her soon-to-be husband.

"Yes, but I would still need some sort of power source, and where do you suggest I find that?" Sheldon wondered, shaking his head at all the lost opportunities.

Amy bit her lip, looking down at the ring, only to look back up at Sheldon, her bright white knowing smile sending a surge of love and astonishment through him. Of course. Of course that was the answer.

"Well… would you look at that Amy Farrah Fowler" he mumbled, gently closing his hand over hers.

THE END

* * *

And so this story too came to an end. I would like to thank each and every one of you who have followed this story these past five weeks - your love and support mean the world to me. I hope you have had a wonderful time following these two nerds as they reclaimed their youth and made a life of their own. I know I have thoroughly enjoyed writing this story, and part of it has definitely been due to all the wonderful response I've been getting from you guys.

I would like to thank April in Paris and Geeky Blue Strawberry, to whom this story is dedicated, for always having faith in me. I would also thank my wonderful readers for always sticking with me. And finally I would like to thank all the authors and musicians quoted in this fic, for inspiring me to keep writing.

\- YlvaB

"The Road goes ever on"

courtesy of J.R.R Tolkien

The story of "Ronja Rövardotter"

courtesy of Astrid Lindgren


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